Sex Ed is broken
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
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Top comments
GiggidyPants 0
Jesus, I guess sex ed is important after all.
360XBOXFTW 0
wait... thats not normal?
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Comments (305)
thewhiteninja 0
giggity
360XBOXFTW 0
wait... thats not normal?
BeachBoi_Alex 7
This is gonna be one of those chicks who says they're on the pill but they're not so she can have a baby to shit out.
PSQ91 6
No she's right. I just gave birth to my baby boy last week.
rawr9able 4
you should of told her that yes you can get pregnant from doing so that way your fruit and hotdogs stop going missing.
tpreston 0
γογ 59 ρηατ ψας λπεατ
princessRiRi97 0
why is she having this conversation with DAD! This is a mission for MOMMY!
tjv3 10
umm YDI for allowing that to happen.
mcxhunni 0
his fault because she masturbates? o.O
malters 9
you didn't know that? O.o
mapleh 0
his fault for not teaching her about sex properly..
PurpIe 3
that's a fail.. how does she not know that? " oh ima finger me out a baby boy!" o_o what?
eshhayz 0
if that were true I'd be having a kid right now ... ;)
TheTweaker 0
This would be hot if your daughter was not most likely fat. I mean she must be pretty fat if she thinks she's pregnant.
gheartsss 0
dumbb why does it matter if she is fat or pretty
fedexemployee 0
Why the **** is fat and pretty the two separate sides larger woman can still be gorgeous. There are plenty of skinny girls that arnt good looking at all.
GiggidyPants 0
Jesus, I guess sex ed is important after all.
MarkFeehily 0
too bad sex Ed is abstinence based in the US
xdust 4
Canada too.
counterfit 10
too bad se people don't realize that 50 different states have 50 different ways of teaching sex ed, all of which should be making it perfectly clear that pregnancy requires (at least) two people.
stephyloo 0
if it's abstinence based in Canada why did my school teach you all about it and hand out condoms after.
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Are you serious?? Omg, I thought that was only Sarah Palin's ambition. F**k I hate that *****. That sucks, they're trying to brainwash the younguns! When will the US and Australia have policies that are in the interests of the people of the country, and not the old dickheads who run it :/
geeksaresexy 18
It's one thing to teach abstinence but this girl clearly hasn't been taught the basic facts! Also I love how a lot of people blame the schools and not the parents! I got most of my info from my mum, she even bought me my first box of condoms and took me to the drs for birth control!
instnt1nfction 17
you think Canada hands out condoms? just look at your mom and say that again.
vampire1618 5
In my high school in New Jersey, they actually don't focus on the abstinence part of it, they tell us that it's the best way not to get pregnant obviously. But, they actually focus on where to get free condoms or cheap birth control (planned parenthood person comes in and what not).
BurnDownTheDawn 11
Ontario is very sex Ed conscious. Planned Parenthood is not only helpful but very cheap compared to going to a doctor. The classes were all very informative and not only were multiple forms of birth control explained but also many ways to prevent being pressured into sex. From what I see, Canada has a very good sex education, I don't know where people are getting this Canada preaches abstinence bullshit.
geeksaresexy 18
I see you're 19? maybe the people who think Canada teach abstinence are a lot older and when they were at school that is what they were taught?
miraggg 1
seriously.. im from canada and you can go to the school nurse and get free condoms, birth control pills, etc.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
34: Key words: "should be". Even in states without abstinence-only programs, parents can find ways to keep their kids from taking sex ed. It's incredibly stupid IMO, but it happens.
shannonreneee 11
At 13 we were sat down and forced to watch a real abortion and look at pictures of the left overs. Majority of the girls were in tears. So not okay at that age.
rldostie 19
In my state abstinence was hardly addressed in sex ed. I was the odd one out considering that my mother had stressed abstinence (religious reasons), and I was abstinent at the time. A teenager will only really be abstinent if it's teachings that have been instilled from youth from home. No one class a week is ever going to make a teenager chose abstinence because let's be honest, abstaining sucks. Real sex ed should be taught in schools, and abstinence at home.
inverted_twinkie 6
No it doesn't, lots of single woman get pregnant without a man by their side. That's one of the reasons they have sperm banks.
Pownzeez 0
ive been abstinent since i was born and now im 32. my choice of course :P
tamoodielovesmar 1
you just made my day
lowshadows 21
ha ha ha! abstinence is a poor excuse just like religion. They just can't get laid that's all ha ha!
alexg823 0
Nice to see you're honest.
burner13 0
no it's not, lol
rebekahah 7
12- actually, they never even talk about abstinence in most states. they go into all the positions + talk about oral and how to properly put a condom on. then they hand out condoms.
planckit 6
it put you off doing it tho
tristan1001 0
I'm in texas, now the teach it abstinence based
Monii_Harlz 11
well in Australia you get sex Ed for 2 years n then that's it lol - they gave my sister a pack of glow in the dark condoms and she is only 12 and you don't get prego from ************ cause your fingers do not produce sperm :P lmao! or any other object that she decides to use
iBeast7 1
forget abstinence. it's stupid. of course im gonna have sex before marriage. how will you know if u want to marry the person if you haven't had sex with them? what if after u marry them you discover they are terrible in bed?
iBeast7 1
since when? all throughout middle school all they talk about is abstinence. they only barely get into all of the actual sex Ed in high school.
iBeast7 1
since when? all throughout middle school all they talk about is abstinence. they only barely get into all of the actual sex Ed in high school.
footcheezeez 16
Yes we are sexy!
Link5794 18
America and Canada are both very large countries divided into smaller groups of cities. It's highly unlikely that the school curriculums are consistent throughout the whole country in both cases.
parkhillflutist 3
Ok if you stay abstinent until marriage you won't even know what sex feels like. Therefore you have no idea what good or bad sex is. Besides you shouldn't base what kind if husband you have off of how good they are in bed.
DanielleinDC 34
But not all parents are willing to teach their kids the facts of life. A lot of parents seem to think that if you don't tell kids about it, they won't do it when the opposite is true.
Gerrito 0
And again parents seem not to be able to raise their kids properly.
Bano360 25
You are a moron, sex ed is supposed to be taught in school.
laden_swallow09 35
It's both the parents AND the teachers who are supposed to teach kids about sex. Don't put the blame for your lax parenting onto the public school system. They're overworked as it is.
Elwin93 9
How can 4 be a moron for that reason? You can't rely on school to raise your children for you and give them common sense. That IS the job of a parent. I feel sorry for your (future) children, 15...
billywhhaatt 5
supposed to be? I guess the government is SUPPOSED to buy you a computer as well? and employers are SUPPOSED to let you do whatever you want as well.
laden_swallow09 35
SUPPOSED, as in a team effort for maximum effect. Good grief, go off the deep end, why don'cha?
cmyk 19
this is why im so glad for the awkward talk with my parents when i was like 10.. And that we were lucky to get a very good sex ed teacher at the school! ydi op. you should have had the talk already!
Bano360 25
I was given the talk by my parents. But I already knew what they told me, because of school. You people are retarded. You're going to judge my future parenting by this? I'm fairly sure that the talk is awkward when given by your parents? So you should all take the stick out of your ass.
Drigr 9
we should take the stick out of our ass because your parents waited till after school taught you? I'm a guy and got the sex talk from my mom and it wasn't awkward. she's also the first person to have bought me condoms. don't blame the school for not being a parent in your place.
aeshleyrose 6
you have over 100 people who have thought your comments are bullshit... maybe you should quit while you're behind. if you think sex ed is better taught by strangers than by parents, I'm gonna have to agree that you might be a ritard.
loveorhate90 0
15, and anyone else who thinks strangers (who don't have the childrens' best interests in mind) should teach children sex ed first, do society a favor and DON'T REPRODUCE.
ollallie 0
your a moron for dis respecting a hero
burner13 0
WTF ?
stephanyk2 7
you misspelled retard. you ******* idiot.
Maliicious 1
Your the retard for not realizing it was purposely mispelled.
kg163401 0
You're a moron. Sex ed should be taught by the parents.
aeshleyrose 6
Thanks :) But she's only 14, maybe her parents haven't let her watch "The Hangover" yet.
Randuhh_17 4
sex Ed should be taught by the parents! the sex Ed class I got was nothing I want my future kids to have, they basically handed out free condoms, and shooed us out the door... I'd rather my child know about everything, and not just be told..."wrap it up"...when there is sooo much more that goes with that..
tree07 1
Did you tell her that she would have a lot more brothers and sisters if this were true OP?
LifesLovelyRoses 4
nice XD
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
if that were true then even I'd have like 5 kids, and I'm 14!!
crymore007 11
187 are you proud of that?
ambersayshii123 17
how do i find out what number a comment is?
jordizzle1496 0
I'd have like 10000000000 and I'm 14
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
of course not I'm just saying... sheesh
djkappy 0
same but more
BIGshooter 2
was she trying to get preggo or was she afraid of being knocked up?
cocobulla1 4
yah! WTF?!
that_band_nerd 22
I think the "Explain to my sobbing teenage daughter" answers your question. Sobbing usually a bad thing.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
YDI. Teaching your kids about sex is YOUR responsibility. If you haven't done it, you can't complain about what she does and doesn't know.
reggicm 0
couldn't have put it better myself.
cocobulla1 4
exactly! u shouldn't expect them to find out in their own, or hear it from some one who tells them wrong! don't complain! YDI for waiting to long to tell her!
cass85 8
I don't know about you, but when my mother taught me about sex and birth control, she didn't have to mention that wanking doesn't get you pregnant because I wasn't an idiot. I mean, I've never heard a sex education talk where they ever had to put that in. Have you? This isn't a bad mother at all for Christ's sake. This is a daughter that has got the wrong end of the stick about something and created, what I think, is a rather funny FML. Why rip apart her entire parenting based on an idiotic comment her daughter made? Man, sticks up arses or what.
Glidefedt 6
Really? I know all I need about sex anf prevention and I havent talked a word about it with my parents... I guess danish ppl are just smart on sex?
SteelCladAngel 0
op is male....
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Where exactly did I call OP a bad mother? Even amazing moms make mistakes. Her daughter's comment shows that she doesn't understand even the basics of sex and reproduction, so I doubt she's ever had "the talk". That's a big problem, with a huge potential for disaster. Unfortunately many well-meaning parents assume their kids will get adequate sex ed in school or just "pick it up" elsewhere. But there's a lot of misinformation out there, and if parents don't cover the basics at an early age-- if the extent of parental sex ed is "Wait till you're married" or "Just be safe"-- the kids can't be blamed for what they don't know. And they certainly shouldn't have their ignorance and genuine distress paraded on the Internet, to be mocked and shamed for it.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Oops, just realized OP's a man. Everything still applies, though.
Catherine666 0
idk about u but I'm happy I haven't had the talk with my parents. it's too creepy..... and I'm good with what I learned at school and everything else I just know....
startrekker 3
They should read the book "I was a better parent before I had kids", it's amazing how much advice childless people give about raising kids. And yes, I know there are some dumb ass parents out there but there is no such thing as a perfect parent either.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
190: FFS, can you not read? I specifically stated that I was *not* calling this OP a bad parent or a bad person. There's a big difference between "I think what you're doing is stupid and/or shitty" and "You're a total dumbass who shouldn't be allowed to breed." And by the way, you don't have to pop out a couple of kids to figure out that teenagers should get some decent sex ed. I've got a crap back. Does that mean no one can tell me not to go bungee jumping, unless they too have a bad back? No! It's common-freakin'-sense.
armorf0r 7
you see, this is where babies come from...
alyslove 5
...was she sobbing because she thought she was pregnant? maybe she's trying to tell you something! you should talk to your daughter a little more(:
xoCOURTNIEox 0
haha wow now that's just sad !!!
MaximilianMarche 0
I'd like to teach you some sex education
Tyrockz 0
^ haha win
CSRozell 4
me too
pitchblease 2
without seeing below her shoulders? risk takers here. also underaged depending on where you live.
sematariux 7
lmao at 66 get some