Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
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Top comments
foxwasalamb 24
a lock on your door would have cum in handy ;) gotta love kids tho
bromeister 6
Time for birds and bees
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Comments (183)
bazookajoey 27
Sweetie once you have kids privacy no longer exists. Invest in a lock
elcee1987 18
I love all the hindsight advice. Profound.
andycee2000 5
Yeah that's fmylife.com. We don't own our house so "just put a lock on it" isn't so easy. "Get the kids babysat" is hilarious. It's a funny story but hardly traumatic.
taysalot 2
f his life
scubanick 10
I think I saw his FML
worldclassrager 41
Well this will be an interesting explanation...lock your door next time or have a baby sitter while you go our for your fun
wigglecow 3
That's hot
kat_moore15 12
Ah. He's traumatized forever.
supersquirel500 10
as as he is 4 or younger. He won't remember it by the time he grows up.
Fmlsea 28
This is why you should teach your kids that when the door is closed to knock before entering! To everyone saying what if op doesn't have a lock, seriously its not that hard to install a lock on your door. the hardware stores have locks for a few dollars .
ladybugz23 13
it happens to me.... my son asked me what are you and dad doing? I had to tell him that we are just playing a game.