Wife
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Not now
Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
chewybarseventy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Shantwozzlah
Kissimmee, United States
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Anonymous
Winnipeg, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Communication tool
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
sammy18f
Brentwood, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
mentallyscarred
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML
whatnot
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML
fmlalways
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
someoneneedsassistance
Woodford, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML
16590
Sweden
Road rage gone feral
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML
forever damaged
Wallkill, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML
Top comments
Jacobt24 19
He wanted you to head south if you know what I mean
jumpshot23 0
He was pretending to drive a standard. Don't take his fun away.
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Comments (173)
iheartdance 6
ahh! that's unlucky.
Climaxx 11
Party pooper.
aFatFuck 0
peter put your pecker in your pants peter put your pecker in your pants peter put your pecker in your pants peter put your pecker in your pants peter put your pecker in your pants peter put your pecker in your pants peter put your pecker in your pants peter put your pecker in your pants
himynameischeese 6
Well why did u do that?!?
HowAreYouToday 34
Yea! You could have interrupted his fap time!
Iamnotmyself 17
I guess you didn't like the idea of sex in a car? What in the hell I'd kill to be in your position(pun intended)
HowAreYouToday 34
Well then. I think we have our murder suspect...
iEthan 5
He was just using his stick shift.
enonymous 9
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and all men will be able to ********** freely on any moving vehicle.
Susieee_Q 9
.... Because you can't even do it on a plane! Ever since 9/11 when everyone gets so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Osama.
Feverrotes 15
#42 - I have a dream that one day, this nation will rise and all humans of both gender and of all ages are granted the freedom of walking the streets without clothes and engaging in sexual activities in public.
YourEvilHero 12
53 - of all ages? chris hansen would like you to have a seat right over there.
eminemchick 19
wtf u cant ********** in a plane?
Pixxio_O 11
F his life...
lolwutdino 9
94 - It's frowned upon..
Kennzz 0
As Alan would say.
eminemchick 19
no one frowned upon me when i did it.. except for that old lady sitting next to me but..
emilymelizabeth 11
awe u shudve just let him keep it out lol he was obviously havin fun
TheBitchOfChuckN 7
This happened to me at camp when a kid put out a fire with urine. About a minute later I said 'Duncan, you put your penis away?' It's like my troops new catch phrase.
babyvi 6
It wanted some fresh air, cant blame it.
HomeAl0ne 20
He was practicing for his part in the upcoming sequel to "Snakes on a Plane".
ambeeelove 0
&& racist!
sleepydeath 4
Zooming the the interstate probably gave him a adrenaline rush
Reinhard_Xenon 0
Win comment
jumpshot23 0
He was pretending to drive a standard. Don't take his fun away.
imaberry95 0
Now op, never ever tell a man what to do with his penis. NEVER
yamatelle 19
He was just trying to show you how to use your hand properly in a stick shift, OP because obviously you're doing it wrong!! Give the man credit for trying to help you out!
StuuPididiot 4
you should have 'put it away' for him! ydi
PrickHead 0
she should of bent over and sucked it!
tylersign 11
39- Stop being a prickhead. ;D
mellasaurusrex 5
what's wrong with road head??? she's his wife.
I'madumbass 19
Hey, StuuPididoiot, I think we will be great friends!!!
Jacobt24 19
He wanted you to head south if you know what I mean
Silenthunter 0
Why would anyone want to go to the south?
Jacobt24 19
Head = bj South = lower region Head + South = Sexy time
ReynshineCutting 10
In the literal, nonsexual sense, the South US is the best place to be (minus the heat but it's bad everywhere this year).
sxe_beast 11
Not in Seattle. 70s all week :)! And I just recently visited San Fransisco. 60s and 70s! w00t w00t.
ReynshineCutting 10
I'm headed back home to Texas Wednesday to the 108 everyday. Woohoo getting up to work horses at 4:30am!
Lyposuction1 0
i live in the south and its 110• today
ShyAnn29 15
How the hell did a post about a guys penis, turn into comments about states?! Talk about change of topic! Lol
toastyjustice 5
people are generally nicer in the south
krazy_glu3 0
Road head!!!!
asniper 0
and more rasict. and they have funny accents!
AlwaySunny 0
this fml is to good to be ruined by a shittyy comment from me
kings1fan 6
You sure it was your husband? Hahah
Jacobt24 19
I think you forgot the words "that put it away?" At least that's what I'm hoping
dreamering 16
No, it was the neighbor.
x_KL_x 7
Na, it was the pool cleaner.
kings1fan 6
Or one of your guys moms
Jacobt24 19
Yes of course because our mom's have penises
kings1fan 6
That was for 40 and 55
Jacobt24 19
Ha alright. At least you're not trying to pull it off as sarcasm
Sunny_Eclipse 6
...OK really?
Nico1929 5
If a man can't have his penis out on the interstate then where can he have his penis out?! A world where a man can't hang out with his wang out while driving high speeds is a world I don't want to live in
AcidLacedBong 5
agreed
enopola 5
Amen to that
xBrandonIsOnFire 6
So it is said.. So it shall be done!
JackDupp 11
I'm pretty sure its in the Constituition. The right to bare arms and stuff like that.
Armoured 6
Ditto
AaronTkr 0
you poor woman.
BelleBelle_fml 11
Well you're no fun.
jannie22 0
More of ride the ol stick shift ;P
davie101 0
Hopefully you know how to drive the ol' stick shift.