Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
olpally 33
What a crazy bf you have... That's not funny at all that's just flat out stupid and dangerous... Fyl op, how unfortunate, just be glad you only voided your bowels instead of being road kill...
G0odgrief 0
tell your boyfriend that putting you in a terrifying and extremely dangerous situation is not ******* funny.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (136)
olpally 33
What a crazy bf you have... That's not funny at all that's just flat out stupid and dangerous... Fyl op, how unfortunate, just be glad you only voided your bowels instead of being road kill...
transaurabauws 0
Please Id be pissed if someone shit them selves on my bike
felipe87 2
I agree, if your are going to do stupid things on a motorcycle do them when you only have your life in your hands not someone else's.
luccmon 6
Anyone thumbing this down is an asshole that would gladly put his passenger in danger.
blackbelt25 12
36- I think it's some troll on FML. I notice that when an FML is just posted and there are a few comments, some guy just goes and thumbs down everything.
olpally 33
34- you're very materialistic then, the passenger could have easily died the way her bf was driving, you butt muncher
Rectumended 3
Well that's a load of shit
florido_fml 10
It's funny how safe and caring you are just so people agree with you. It's her fault for getting on a motorcycle in the first place. It's an engine on two wheels anyone could die just going 15mph.
R3TROxLOV3 32
71- It would be her fault if she was aware of what the psychotic boyfriend was going to do, and she got on the motorcycle anyways. The thing is... She didn't know. Are motorcycles dangerous? Yes, but what isn't? With your logic, even something as simple as crossing the street could get you killed. It's not her fault for the simple fact that she wasn't aware that her boyfriend was going to put her life at risk all for a few kicks and giggles.
metalwolf 17
Do you really think you are that safe in a car? a modern car will wrap around a light pole where a older car with a full bumper would have knocked the light over, or atleast put a decent dent in the pole.
terrask 11
Totally true, cars will be crushed to bits by the slightest collision. It's on pupose too, you see cars are made to take the impact and tranfer the energy in the crumple zones. The end result of this is a completely destroyed body and secondary structure, absorbing the majority of the energy of the impact. The main structure encompassing the cab will remain fairly untouched with the passenger only cussing about how loud the airbags' pop sounds. Older cars would barely be scratched by a high-speed collision, with passengers dead or seriously harmed. And on a motorcycle well... you fly off the bike and either you wear protective gear or you end up dead. I just love to explain to dumb girls riding in bikini how we treat road rash in my ER, usually they're pretty eager to suit up after the ''brushing'' part.
eb0ny 15
it's all ***** and giggles... until someone actually *****.
TheStoryOfWazza 9
Did he dump you? If not, he should have.
aaahhhfire21 0
I'd be pissed off too if my gf shit herself while on my motorcycle she should know better most guys only wanna scare u we won't kill ourselves in the process
tjv3 10
Your bf is an idiot and so are you. He put innocent lives at risk
xaviiboo 9
So 112, how is op an idiot? Please explain your logic on that.
max_bleu 2
34- why yes because that IS a lot worse than it being totaled and being covered in blood. Hope your a troll
kyliebear 15
Um, guys, it's her husband.
teentee401 37
Thank you, 130! I read this entire thread waiting for someone to correct that.
G0odgrief 0
tell your boyfriend that putting you in a terrifying and extremely dangerous situation is not ******* funny.
niclmao 0
Its hilarious
leogirl95 12
No, it's ******* messed up
demonmonkey 13
No, it's ****** hilarious
chels1994 11
^until he causes an accident and someone gets killed or sent to the ER, right?
FMLshark 12
I hope you never drive any kind of vehicle, 32 and 62. Ever. For any reason.
BunBunBabe 8
Tell him to stop, my ex bf used to try to scare me like that, drive right at lakes and turn at the last second or almost kill us for fun... NOT FUN
FranzFerdinand 18
90- He DID cause an accident. ;) But on a more serious note, that was extremely irresponsible of your boyfriend- he could've injured or even killed both of you. Normally, I don't like saying, "You should dump him for that!" but he literally put your life in danger and had the gall to be douchey about it… Anyways, FYL.
Guren 0
I don't think he expected you to shit yourself.
G0odgrief 0
I don't think she expected her boyfriend to risk her life for ***** and giggles.
lainzilla 14
It isn't like she did it on purpose.
RadPenny 6
No shit :P
guy24 9
I think her diction is weird... Who says i voided my bowels? Most say they shit themselves...
cc_the_beast 6
'Voiding' or 'evacuating' the bowels is the correct (and polite) way of referring to a bowel movement. Anybody in any remotely medical field (and people with half a brain) would know this.
thenomad 7
Me working at the nursing home: Me- did you have a bm? Patient- a what? Me- a bm Patient- huh? Me- did you take a dump? Patient- oh yeah, I did that. *shakes head while walking out of the room*
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
That'll teach him!
ladyLALAA 29
Yeah, what a douchebag!
theamazingone_12 7
That sucks, maybe he will take the hint to not do that again :D
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
I'm guessing you got crap on his leather seats?
Mearemoi 14
What an immature boyfriend. What kind of person puts you in a dangerous situation just for a laugh?
G0odgrief 0
a budding psycho
teentee401 37
It's her husband...
lainzilla 14
What #2 said. Jesus freaking christ, why do people constantly think it's acceptable to treat their partners like crap and then blame them when they react accordingly?
hotPinklipstick 24
He should be responsible on a bike anyways. That is not only dangerous to you and him, but every other driver on the road. I'm not normally one to suggest this but maybe you should reconsidering being in a relationship with someone who would willingly put you in danger.
emmaweeee 0
would he rather you shit your pants or end up dead in the middle of the road? your bf has some serious issues when it comes to safety on a motorcycle especially with you as his passenger, I'm sorry op
downtime 13
...Their safety wasn't dependant on her ******** herself. Your statement doesn't make any logical sense.
ceedub24 0
Agreed!!