Wife 8 August 2011, 00:02 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Not now

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

173 comments

Collection

Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

chewybarseventy 24 August 2010, 06:17 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

191 comments

Shantwozzlah 26 March 2012, 16:15 Kissimmee, United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

136 comments

Anonymous 10 October 2012, 21:48 Winnipeg, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Communication tool

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

122 comments

sammy18f 24 February 2015, 03:46 Brentwood, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

157 comments

mentallyscarred 31 January 2011, 09:34 United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

96 comments

whatnot 4 August 2011, 04:04 Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

210 comments

fmlalways 22 January 2011, 13:00 United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

107 comments

someoneneedsassistance 24 April 2015, 15:07 Woodford, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

88 comments

16590 15 June 2012, 22:13 Sweden

Road rage gone feral

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML

457 comments

forever damaged 21 December 2015, 04:24 Wallkill, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

97 comments

Jacobt24 19

8 August 2011, 08:52

He wanted you to head south if you know what I mean

jumpshot23 0

8 August 2011, 08:51

He was pretending to drive a standard. Don't take his fun away.

Add a comment · Reply to

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Comments (173)

sourgirl101 29

8 August 2011, 09:27

There's a cruise control for a reason. JK I watched "Steven King's- Thinner" and gypsies now scare me.

DMC_Hotness 0

8 August 2011, 09:35

**additional manual transmission joke**

mrahhhhh 21

8 August 2011, 09:41

Did he put it out the window and say, "Oh my God, honey look at that giant windsock outside!" too? That's one of the few ways to make it more awesome.