Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, my husband came home with his dick pierced. I shrieked in horror and told him to get it away from me. He's now sulking that I won't indulge his weird impulse and am refusing sex until he removes the piercing. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, I decided to go home and apologise to my husband for accusing him of having an affair. I came home to find him having sex with my mother. FML
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Top comments
kyat288 9
Wow, what a dick
SaturnV 25
Kind of a dick move on his part if you ask me.
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Comments (122)
bigdude1302 2
Huh...well...ummmm....ya i got nothin'.
TheMaster15 10
He couldn't just talk to you about it?
boating_guy 33
Hey now, it's not like he wasn't using his head.
TheMaster15 10
Well, come to think of it, it's not like she could hear him anyways with a penis in her ear. Haha
Roevera 14
She probably got quite the earful from her mother..
Roevera 14
She probably got quite the earful from her mother..
Roevera 14
Sorry stupid phone..
GypsyRover 0
This reminds me of a your mamma joke. Your mom is so nasty,we had phone sex, and I got a ear infection.
TwitchingNebula 17
Apparently he tried before this, but it seems she was ignoring him.
timjones 8
That's not where it goes silly.
enonymous 9
Remember family guy: once you go black you go deaf
whyusofat 17
Insert jaws music with that image, it will make your day probably.
livinginabook 24
No 21..... OP got an earful from her husband!
Eluveitie 9
Hearing AIDS.
FYLorYDIohno 12
Great form of communication
zandalee 20
Isn't that considered foreplay?! No? Well then, my husband won't be getting any tonight!
Roevera 14
You and I, have completely different views on foreplay..
pokemai 6
Pretty sure #3 was trying to joke ..
zandalee 20
Why thank you. Yes I was.
Ashekitty 6
I guess all the thumbs down are from people that flew right past the joke here. I giggled!
kyat288 9
Wow, what a dick
mattwin88 4
literally
skittlestrailmix 14
Seriously... Didn't be notice she was busy...
jezane 9
What a prick..
rebecamp494 5
No pun intended... Lol
kyat288 9
^Pun intended...
Notimetobleed 14
Stoppe ham, eller vil du være i en vanskelig situasjon :D
kyat288 9
^What?
SaturnV 25
Kind of a dick move on his part if you ask me.
crimsonprodigy 15
One of the best Fml's lol
neurodoc 1
He was giving you a Jaw Boner ear piece. :P
Dixbfloppin 11
What the hell is a "Jaw Boner ear piece"? Is that some new sexual term the kids are using nowadays?
nictransitglory 4
While this isn't the best pun of all time, it was still pretty good. I can't believe the comment NOT understanding got thumbs up and the actual pun thumbs down. FYI, a jaw bone (boner) is a high end brand of blue tooth headset. Not as funny now when someone has to spell it out is it?
neurodoc 1
56 thanks! Cool! At last someone who is tech savvy gets it... Nice!!! :P Thanks! ;)
TurtleSmile 14
I hope he didn't know you were talking to your mom on Skype.
RedPillSucks 33
I want to know what the mom thought. Her FML... Today, I was talking to my daughter on skype and had to view my idiot son-in-law poking his junk in her ear. No wonder I don't have any grandkids. FML
syki 22
I am so tired that I almost made a pun on her listening capability and the location of his meat sword and thought it was clever, rather than a very single entendre. Dodged that bullet. On that note, OP, you should probably stick to your "personal" bullet for the foreseeable future.
oj101 33
Someone's going to have a hard time when he meets the mother in law. What goes round comes round...
WritingWrongs 8
... Pun intended?
JoeRogansBEARD 15
What gos around comes around? Is his mother in law going to stick her ****** in his ear as punishment?
HKCgrimmjow 15
LOL yes
PrincessPesa 20
Few can resist the all powerful jab of the mighty phallus! Especially OP's mom. And of course OP's right ear. Sounds like he got everyone's attention, all right!