Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, my boyfriend has so many hang ups about being good at sex that when we actually had sex for the first time this morning, he got upset that I was touching my clit while he was inside me. Apparently it was a sign I think he’s bad at it, and had to do it myself. Neither of us orgasmed today. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML
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Top comments
AGB10 19
That's the perfect time to teach him. He seems sweet enough to care !
Lennes 12
The female body is a flipping mystery to men. However, I've found that a solid diagram works wonders for those willing to learn. :)
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Comments (188)
rivaraven 35
Really? Even I know what that is.. and I'm a gay man..
brosiph_Joseph 8
GAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
ryan4723 24
Congratulations?
octinate 17
He has a point
TKay916 15
Sounds like under age sex to me.
ryan4723 24
Where in the FML does it mention their ages?
kurodansei 16
It doesn't but at a certain age one expects that you should know what a ******** is.
hcollins1 18
So one day all this information is just supposed to pop into their head? If no one tells them nor do they research it, how are they supposed to know?
Headcrab 29
Agreed. One should know these things before having sex. And yes, research it themselves if they aren't tought in school.
codycody369 3
agreed
CrissyyyS2 22
Well start role playing. You're the Sex Ed teacher, he's the student. Guide him around the ******.
Ambient25 25
or above....
Enslaved 38
Or just break out the LASER pointer and guide him that way. Great toy for the kitty! (: The "S" does stand for "Stimulated".
Wakachulak 22
Bet he doesn't know what *********** means either
MidnaLink 35
That's what he was doing.
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
Just because he was doing it doesn't mean he knows the techinical name for it. Lots of people use colloquial terms such "eating out" or "going down".
joopjoop 19
did you teach him?
larryb1986 9
Did you have to tell him "no, it's not a Pokemon"?
wowthatissad 9
Ha. Haha. Ha. Haha hahahaha. Haahahaha
wowthatissad 9
Oops I accidentally thumbed it down. It really did make me laugh though
ryan4723 24
#31 Nobody cares
Obey_StudBoii 23
This is when you teach him. Show him so he knows all of your spots.
Slavgaard 16
Tell him to go north till he hits the suburds....look for the high-rise!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
"What's a ********?" "Magic."
wowthatissad 9
Haha well tell him.. It's not like he has a ******