Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Vaginas. They're grrrrreat!
desoto96 9
Cookie Monster would be proud.
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Comments (130)
unknown_user5566 27
Though the words would certainly be quite distracting, I'd imagine the sensation of his mouth moving to form the words would be somewhat pleasurable, right? On the bright side, you now get to make him practice over and over again, until he gets it right. Have fun, OP. :)
davidmeyer15 3
That's how u would like it done
BubbleGrunge 18
I'm not sure why you're getting down voted, I guess because "you're a woman, you shouldn't talk about such things," but I fully agree with you!! Some spell their ABCs with their tongue, others speak, as long as you're getting off who cares?
unknown_user5566 27
36- I'm probably getting thumbed down because I didn't totally side with OP, and didn't call the boyfriend an idiot, etc. Sexual FML stories are more like an opportunity than a true FML; it just means OP has a lot of enjoyable practice ahead of them. I'm a glass half full type of person, I guess. :)
fuckuimpretty 5
Good for you
DivineSunshine 1
Laugh it off. You are too uptight.
afropuffjake 9
You can't be too tight down there! What blasphemy do you speak???
nerdking21 10
But Pedobear always thinks that the tighter it is, the better it is.
saIty 17
Would you prefer BRRRRWHHHAAARRRGGH?
saIty 17
I apologize in advance for my chewbacca attempt.
mfischer 17
Your definition of 'in advance' seems to be a little off.
ThePK 5
I think the only thing worse than that would be a Tuskan Raider. He'd be raiding them panties alright with his Tuskan war cries.
witchdoctor1 9
I thought of a bearded man motorboating a girl when I read you comment. I had to laugh
Ally156 5
He was probably imagining eating you...
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
I think he already was.
Ally156 5
Sorry does anyone know what it means when you're commenting and it says anti flood protection?
saIty 17
Anti: Against Flood: Water Protection: Condom Therefore, I can conclude it means.. OP OP OP BROKEN CONDOM STYLE!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
It means you're trying to post too many comments at one time. I think it's supposed to help stop spam messages, maybe.
FlyingPie 17
I nominate this as the best FML so far today.
saIty 17
Don't make me come pantless to your house and wave my ferrat around everytime a goal is scored.
FlyingPie 17
Please don't. :P
winnerme123 8
If he can't then can I? I'll bring snacks. ;)
streetracerVC 9
Hahaha this had me on the floor laughing. One of the best FMLs by far.
florido_fml 10
Be quiet before you discourage him and he wont go down on you again
BenTaz 7
Girls can never take a compliment.
OldMemoriesFade 8
How is that a compliment?
thew_fml 14
he thinks it is delicious
leadawg75 12
Up the shut ****, and take your profile picture's advice.
naughtylez82 4
He could have pulled away and said smells like tuna. Lighten up and learn to laugh op.
Pleonasm 36
He could also not have done that. And judging from the FML he didn't. So the point is? Or is OP supposed to be grateful for the turn off because it wasn't worse. I guess in that case she should also be grateful that he didn't smack her upside the head with a used condom or stick gum in her pubes.
mfischer 17
Oh hush, Pleonasm. Just be glad that your phone still works and that you can read and write well enough to comment coherently. And don't even get me started on how grateful you should be that you didn't spontaneously combust when you woke up this morning.