Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks found out she was 2 months pregnant with her ex's baby. I of course broke up with her because I don’t need exes drama or babies in my life. My mother called me an atrocious human being for not staying with her after only three weeks to raise another dude's kid. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that my ex is pregnant, but not to worry because it’s not mine. That’s how I inadvertently told her I’ve been cheating on her with my ex. FML
Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML
Today, my ex dumped me for his ex who'd cheated on him. Today, I also found out I'm pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
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Top comments
NandaPanda 22
Wow, sounds like someone is having a psychotic break... If I were you, OP, I'd avoid her at all costs. You don't need that craziness in your life.
titandesu 14
wait you can buy positive pregnancy tests online? that sounds like a terrible prank and a cry for attention
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Comments (223)
NandaPanda 22
Wow, sounds like someone is having a psychotic break... If I were you, OP, I'd avoid her at all costs. You don't need that craziness in your life.
purplebabytacos1 14
She's acting "Cray-Cray". (joke from last FML) But seriously, imagine if you did have a child with her.
Garrison21 11
Or you could one up her and tell her you are pregnant
Llama_Face89 34
39- I like it. Solid plan right there.
yeahthatsmeee 10
Exactly. Never break up with a girl while she's on her period OP she'll start plotting her revenge
reneetlovesyou 30
Or she'll go "cray cray" like in another FML where she takes out her tampon and throws it at the OP.
mastamouse 12
Pretty much says "FML my ex isn't pregnant"
tayymeds 23
#95 and that OP's ex is bat-shit crazy...
SalsaVerdeDonut 22
@95 it's more like "FML my ex is crazy and she's spreading lies just so we can get back together"
hacksaw246 24
You are Not the father!
IStoleTheCookies 16
Luke.. I am your fath- no wait, no i am not.
sometimessam 16
#39 Go for it. Where do you buy THOSE tests online?
CaseyPatricks 3
Spencer's
JessieTaft 17
That's unbelievable. She's a person who's very desperate. Sorry OP
sofaqueen_ 14
Does she not realize that nine months are gunna pass pretty quick and the fact that there's no child is pretty obvious? I say play along and see how far she takes it.
cryssycakesx3 23
well she could "abort" or "miscarry." probably one of, if not the worst lie to tell a significant other, even if they are an ex. OP, you be the best damn fake dad you can be!
JJ_86 22
Being with her, even for a prank doesn't sound like a good idea. OP needs to stay away from her and maybe take help from the friend who seems to have a level head to talk with her and have a closure.
queen_bee_123 7
What if she's one of those crazy chicks that steals a baby or kills a pregnant woman and cuts the baby out?! I wouldn't play along! Who knows how crazy she could be!
abigiggles 39
Hang in there!
titandesu 14
wait you can buy positive pregnancy tests online? that sounds like a terrible prank and a cry for attention
NandaPanda 22
Didn't you know? You can buy anything online these days. It's a crazy world out there.
miiajayne 6
You can unfortunately. Ignoring all the health factors of someone else's urine on a stick, you've got to wonder what goes through the poor women who feel the need to a) buy the test and b) sell them in the first place.
mageepaigeee44 15
And not that I'd ever do this but wouldn't it be easier to just find a picture online of a positive test? Why would you pay for something like that?
annie_nk 23
I picture a fake positive pregnancy test as a made up brand with the positive lines painted on.
efettes 19
When I was pregnant I actually had someone ask me if I'd pee on a pregnancy test for them... They offered me $50 for my pee..
thatoneninjadude 14
#20 I agree with your concern but its a fake test not a used test.
samuelbeathard 15
#64, are you really that stupid?
trex454 21
shit I'd pee on a stick for 50 bucks
ZorroRooster 19
#81: I'm sure there are plenty of ways to fake a pregnancy test without actually having to pee on a stick
Andicc 19
Well I'm sure she did in case he wanted to actually see the test
Andicc 19
I was answering the comment as to why she would buy one instead of just finding a picture online....psychotic yes, but just offering an explanation as to why she went that extra step..
nursecait 8
There are companies that actually make tests that display "pregnant" or the positive symbols that you can buy... (Yes it's sick) So you can buy a fake test and not a used one
nursecait 8
What are you getting at? Because you can buy tests made to be fake.. Not used... So are you the "idiot"?
MortenM 17
I'm starting to be slightly concerned about all the women who seems to have researched the option of buying fake or used test
CaitiieBuggs 23
I was at the mall and in a shop they were selling fake positive pregnancy tests as "gag gifts".
stargirl_95 24
That would be such a horrible prank to play on someone. There are some pranks that just aren't funny.
awkward_gothlady 32
#136 - it may not be because they want to do it themselves. I once researched how to fake a pregnancy, not because I have any desire to do so myself, but because I strongly suspected a friend's psycho girlfriend might be faking her pregnancy to make him stay with her, and so I wanted to know if people actually did that, how they did it, and how common it was. Or, some of them might have just gotten curious because of this FML.
I_lost_the_game 25
So was it a real pregnancy?
MrsFlowers 9
@#191.... Really? No it wasn't real? She claimed to be 3 weeks pregnant but was in her period (which incase you don't know.. You don't get while you're pregnant) the WEEK before. AND her friend confirmed to him it was a fake one she bought online.
kkroberts072592 7
ebay lol look it up
withered 30
Actually you can bleed while pregnant.
stezmina1 8
What a nutter your well rid of that crazy cow!!
Wizardo 34
Such heinous villainy, this is exactly why everyone hates crazy ******* ex's.
AnOriginalName 19
But not everyone hates ******* crazy exes.
gjikvtj 18
BE MY BABY'S DADDY!
mahughes 19
Crazy bitches these days
akorpija 12
Total cray-cray!
izntdan 14
Run OP and don't look back
corn_flake 19
Talk about Psycho Ex. Perhaps a restraining order is due? lol
jack_jill05 14
because adding "lol" to the end makes it not a serious subject.
Venasaur1 9
OP..... RUN!!!!!!