Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to wax my own Brazilian. My housemate’s cat rolled onto a half-used wax strip on the floor. The poor cat now has a small, less-fluffy patch, and I still haven’t figured out how to wax myself. FML
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML
Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML
Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML
Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML
Today, I was waxing my legs and somehow dropped an enormous dollop of hot wax on my naked crotch. I refused to yank it off, but still had to cut it off with scissors. So now I have a huge patch of pubic hair way shorter than the rest of it. It looks a right mess FML
Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck up behind me while I was naked and whispered in my ear to bend over. I thought this was a lead up to doggy style but nope, he slapped a waxing strip on my exposed bum hole and ran off yelling, “No more hairy hole! No more hairy hole!” FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
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Top comments
zingline89 18
Thank you, OP, for making a pussy reference in the FML. It spared us from a half a dozen bad ones in the comments.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Full or Brazillian?
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Comments (104)
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Full or Brazillian?
ComoEsJuan 24
Maybe a landing strip?
sarahshanghai 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Whole new meaning to 'waxed pussy'
gracehi 33
Siamese? Russian Blue?
Enslaved 38
Sphynx! ;)
BntyHntrSeattle 30
It'll probably retaliate in your sleep... o.O
HaneenDixon 16
Yup, better sleep with one eye open OP
Liamj774 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is it even possible to sleep with one eye open? Haven't seen anyone do it. Except for my Great-Aunt. In her casket. Oh, I forgot to mention she was dead. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah. awkward. bye
Bubbelz 25
I'd recommend keeping your eyes closed, rather sleep in a metal triangle (with air holes in the lower sides). Yep.
Beeftinkle 13
I also recommend spading number 73 to prevent future little 73s running around saying smart things.
magentaballoon15 8
I suggest you surround your bed with salt tonight.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Jesus Christ... 50 FYL's in and this comment thread is a ghost town.
MrSassypants 34
I'll have you know I'm a ghost and that is a direct insult to me. Apologize this instant.
iammeorami 25
I'm a ghost too and you made me sad :( *_*
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
19, I offer my most profound and deepest apologies. 48, I don't care about your feelings.
Beeftinkle 13
How did he offend you? Did he send ******* ghostbusters on your ass?
Sunkistlover718 21
Your cat's hypoallergenic now. :)
oj101 33
No, it looks like a Sphynx cat now.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Like in Friends! "Now I'm stuck with a stupid cat that looks like a hand!"
plaguer 26
Cat allergies are not limited to fur, people can also get irritation from their pee and saliva.
Drebinius 15
Brazillian cat?
Asstazztic 8
hapPENIS
ichliebekekse 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you have a cat, you should know that they tend to jump on counters. You should have put it someone where only you could get to. YDI OP/:
Isoldael 27
People with pets need to consider where they put every single item that could harm the pet. A friend of mine left a box of needles for her insulin shots on the kitchen counter. Her poor dog ate the box. It's a miracle that she even survived.
ichliebekekse 11
I know, I have two cats and a dog myself. It's difficult to be so cautious, but it's necessary. And, that sounds horrible.
akiahara 14
Not a single one of my animals, including my large dogs, have ever eaten my insulin or syringes. If you know your animals have behavioral problems (i.e. snatching things off the counter) and you leave your shit out for them... well... I feel bad for the pets.
tygerarmy 35
I don't know why 7 got thumbed down. The way the OP worded the FML leaves me to to think she set it and walked away. Pets and kids get into things it's your job to protect your things.
ironichalibut 24
I agree with 7, 51,16 your cat doesn't have the conscious capacity to know to avoid things like that, although you should have the capacity to know to keep your pet away from it. I hope you cut it out with scissors instead of the conventional way. If you tore it off you deserve to have each and every fine hair on your body pulled out with dull, red hot tweezers.
SillyGirl4602 23
7- I agree with you but you should have written "somewhere" not "someone where". My cat tends to jump on my kitchen counters so I never put anything on them.
kmeredith 8
If your cats are jumping up on the counter then you didn't train them properly! I have two cats (8months and 10 months) and can safely leave food out on the counter all day and they won't jump up or touch it nor did my old previous cat because I trained them and they are well behaved.
Mossears133 15
Unless everything in her house is rounded and frictionless (and her cat is super old), then anywhere she can reach, her cat can probably reach!
OvertonHippie 16
...and I quote: "If not for sits, why is made of warm?" Cats are going to try to get on anything that's the right temperature.
zingline89 18
Thank you, OP, for making a pussy reference in the FML. It spared us from a half a dozen bad ones in the comments.
Zomg_Okay 27
I wish. Give it time...
chelsearenaeee 16
You're going to wake up with scratches tomorrow.
Neongreenme 8
I am sorry your 4 legged pussy got waxed. I will admit the visual for this made me chuckle.