Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks found out she was 2 months pregnant with her ex's baby. I of course broke up with her because I don’t need exes drama or babies in my life. My mother called me an atrocious human being for not staying with her after only three weeks to raise another dude's kid. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that my ex is pregnant, but not to worry because it’s not mine. That’s how I inadvertently told her I’ve been cheating on her with my ex. FML
Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML
Today, my ex dumped me for his ex who'd cheated on him. Today, I also found out I'm pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
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Top comments
NandaPanda 22
Wow, sounds like someone is having a psychotic break... If I were you, OP, I'd avoid her at all costs. You don't need that craziness in your life.
titandesu 14
wait you can buy positive pregnancy tests online? that sounds like a terrible prank and a cry for attention
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Comments (223)
worldclassrager 41
She seems to be cray cray
modet 8
take her to hospital to get official report. who knows what gonna happen later.
Curlytwirly22 17
Stay away from her and ignore her and if she tells you anything or tries to contact you in any possible way call the police or get a restraining order
Callmeseansaur 9
You should probably approach someone about getting her some help. She is clearly not in a good state of mind to pull something like that. Maybe talk to some of her friends, or a sibling or a parent.
reburkah 17
You do know you can get pregnant on your period right?
LisaDay 14
If you read it, she was not on her period when they had sex. She was on her period when they broke up. Reading comprehension must not be you're strong suit.
Nyahko 16
easy solution go buy a pregnancy test & tell her to take it at your place make her leave her purse outside of the bathroom while she's taking it & come out of the bathroom right after peeing on it if it comes out positive tell her you'll be wanting a paternity test asap & that even if she is pregnant you won't be getting back together
krunchy_kitty 8
Why let her go to the bathroom by herself? They've had sex, so plenty of naked and smelly has already happened. Surely she can pee in front of him.
Nyahko 16
some people can't pee in front of others i personally can't even pee if my cat is outside the bathroom door
xoteeshaox 22
firstly, the timing makes sense if she was pregnant. two weeks before a girls period, is when she is ovulating, meaning the timing definitely makes sense. secondly, the fake pregnancy test is just a cruel joke. hang in there.
xoteeshaox 22
and reconfirming other comments, you can still have your period while pregnant. a friends mum had two of her kids and her period the entire way through the pregnancy.
ooft 8
And I thought I had a crazy ex
DylanHasClass 17
Maury!
ober80 6
Get her back by emailing her parents and congratulating them on becoming grandparents and then send another to her entire family and friends announcing this happy occasion.
skittyskatbrat 19
This is beautifully evil and I love it. go for it!