Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
danielleeycakes 3
yes, why don't you educate us, justin bieber?
Phustercluck 11
This garbage about hygiene, uncircumcised is only unhygienic if you're unhygienic.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
marylovesyou8D 7
Sorry.
foolsauce 2
Wow.
stevenmx86 8
Can someone explain wtf op is talking about? please
iSitt 0
phimosis FTW!
warpig182 0
The ops dick exploded
Epilepsy_fml 0
He is uncircumsized. Sometimes males find it extremely painful to retract their foreskin when they have an erection called phimosis. Phimosis is varying in intensity and sometimes you can't even retract it flaccid.
yewzd 0
Well in terms I can understand, basically its been a long time since OP had an boner. When he got the boner it ******* hurt him.
ur2nvthis85 3
fyl dude
P_to_the_AM 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
omg... I can only imagine how hygienic you are... NOT!!!
TomasT 0
What I thought too...
Phustercluck 11
This garbage about hygiene, uncircumcised is only unhygienic if you're unhygienic.
ReginaFalange_fml 13
yes exactly. and the fact that it had never been retracted means he had never cleaned under it, which is the way uncircumcised guys are supposed to stay hygienic.
Epilepsy_fml 0
He may be able to wash When it is flaccid however an erect penis is much larger.
evan40111 0
You look like the Arab version if Hitlerr!Gag
zach5432 3
44 even if flacid the first time the skin is pulled back hurts so much
KissinKitten 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What are you 12?
FMLMoreThenYours 0
I'm a complete idiot.
Freeze_fml 17
Some are illegally retarded.
Fruhling 16
Perhaps the people that didn't get it don't speak English as a mother language and do not know the meanings of specific words the poster used.
Fruhling 16
Yeah...you have a point there.
iGrenade 0
kay is "trolling" while accusing others of doing the same. how ironic.
underpaid011 0
clearly your penis does not like chicks. stick to dudes. quit contaminating the female population.
smerry 3
i dont get it someone explain plzz?!?
Mehness 0
It was the first time his foreskin (extra skin at the tip of the penis which is normally removed) had peeled back onto the shaft of his penis.
zach5432 3
the op is from Singapore in that area of the works foreskin is rarely removed
wtf20007 10
foreskin is not "normally removed" in fact it's quite uncommon in most westernized parts of the world
5t3ff1k4h 45
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Uncommon? This I didn't know. I heard, and since had been under the impression, that most guys have it done at birth unless their parents say otherwise.
smerry 3
81 thank you for explaining :-)
TIGERTIGERTIGER 0
I feel really sorry for "most guys" in your life, and you need to get out and see the world some more -- or at least just look around the internet sometime.
alexFYL 11
No need to be rude. For the record, my college years were spent being pretty loose (I'm only 25 so it's recent and relevant), and all in all...? I'd say about... maybe 10% of the guys I've been with were uncircumcised. I keep hearing the fact that more guys are un-cut than guys that are cut, but unless this is a new thing, the numbers just don't match up. For another record, I don't really have a preference. The size and style of your penis doesn't matter, it's how you use it. IMO having a preference about someone's penis would be like saying it's OK for a guy to have a preference about how my ****** is, which is ridiculous, ignorant and rude.
Bilbotitface 2
i dont get it what does op meen when he says his penis retracted for the first time???
redtigerlily 5
It was the first time his foreskin peeled back