Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
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Top comments
danielleeycakes 3
yes, why don't you educate us, justin bieber?
Phustercluck 11
This garbage about hygiene, uncircumcised is only unhygienic if you're unhygienic.
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Comments (128)
5t3ff1k4h 45
*ahem* Some people DO have their breast tissue removed in order to help prevent cancer from either occurring or reoccurring. It's called a double mastectomy.
5t3ff1k4h 45
What they like/dislike and what they do/don't do doesn't affect you, in any event. It's their preference. In some places it's common practice to snip the skin, so you know.
5t3ff1k4h 45
No, most people wouldn't. But prevention of cancer isn't the only reason guys get snipped.
AthinaMarie 0
Ew.. Your penis has a turtle neck on x(
Peasanthunter_fml 0
I knew from the second I read this fml that the comments would be a shitstorm. Ty nerd rage for making me feel sane.
Peasanthunter_fml 0
Oh and circumcised all the way.
batgirl_babygirl 0
white pain? lol didn't know pain had a range of colors o_O
thejacl 0
137 FTW. That is all.
TIGERTIGERTIGER 0
You say you like it when your man's dick is half cut off? And you don't see why this pisses men off when you say that? How would you react if a man told you he liked to date women who had been raped, because they were more docile? Pretty offensive, eh?
Sirin_fml 47
The comments section isn't really the place to wage a holy war for or against circumcision, people, so I'm closing the comments on this one. Sorry.