Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
If your morning wood is big enough to be mistaken for a scratching post, that's something to brag about! Still, looks like you got a little more pussy than you wanted.
sumocj 14
The cat was probably like "what the hell is this? I better claw it to see if it's alive"
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Comments (12)
RichardPencil 32
Scratching post? Right! Don’t flatter yourself — the cat was hunting the mouse in your pants.
Glowworm56 27
Sounds like somebody's got cat scratch fever!
Lobby_Bee 18
Probably felt like you needed a circumcision.
mattyiscool123 26
He may have already had one years ago
Aiden89 23
You gotta be kitten me right meouch
pjsr 33
If your morning wood is big enough to be mistaken for a scratching post, that's something to brag about! Still, looks like you got a little more pussy than you wanted.
gobiteme2 34
Everything is better with ridges.
sumocj 14
The cat was probably like "what the hell is this? I better claw it to see if it's alive"
KIEdekka 14
reason #433 as to why I am convinced cats are evil little brats.
KIEdekka 14
reason #433 as to why I am convinced cats are evil little brats.
ANANANANANANANANANAan 3
I'm gurl