Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
danielleeycakes 3
yes, why don't you educate us, justin bieber?
Phustercluck 11
This garbage about hygiene, uncircumcised is only unhygienic if you're unhygienic.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
tati3092 1
I like uncircumsized dick and I'm American so basically all the stuck up chicks here in America are the ones who are picky bout dick but I don't mind at all
kportal69 5
I don't mind either. dick is dick. as long as it's clean and big and does the job right I'm happy.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Their dislike of the uncircumcised penis does not make them stuck up. It simply means they have a different preference than you.
Falken45 0
to #1 I totally agree w/u! lmfao!!! WTF! get circumcised!! gross
evan40111 0
WTF?I don't remember the first time I pulled back my foreskin.****,I bet there's a spider under there! >.<
Ruff_fml 3
Sirin, you look lovely today :)
colombiancartel 0
No, FHL!
SteelersBaby3 0
no, FYL
immunizations 0
thanks so much for the mental image
banna2286 0
that ain't healthy
mattyboy1989 0
WTF is up with all this get circumcised shizzle, are you living in a mystic world of wierdos? damn with is always better than without, unless for some reason you don't wash!! rough!
zach5432 3
29. your dumb. it's not gross or harder to clean. it takes less then a second to pull the skin back and you can clean it like a circumcised penis also with the skin back it looks identical. so don't say it's gross
punbarry1 0
omg ayame01 shut up you fat bitch, you clearly get none, ur medical facts are complete bullshit trying to make u sound clever u dumb fat American.... go back to the kitchen and make some food for ur stupid ****** aisan bender of a bf, if he is your bf, I think it's a lie tbh , you get none...