Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
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Top comments
danielleeycakes 3
yes, why don't you educate us, justin bieber?
Phustercluck 11
This garbage about hygiene, uncircumcised is only unhygienic if you're unhygienic.
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Comments (128)
Rei_Ayanami 18
I feel bad for you, that truly is something that should be handled privately, that must have been terrible, but you really should have handled it before.
xFalzz 0
Are you people actually this uneducated about foreskin?
danielleeycakes 3
yes, why don't you educate us, justin bieber?
tleaf 0
lol, well called
ceejster 0
#34 WIN!
xFalzz 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You are right, Jessie Slaughter. I don't know because I have an inverted penis.
Waffle817 0
lol Justin Bieber
AAShah 0
I always thought you looked like Justin Beiber.
Charlotteeexx 0
you make humans sound like robots :L
boopityboppity 11
You make humans seem like idiots.
zach5432 3
^^ epic win
atcontroller22 0
I don't make it my business to educate myself on foreskin buddy. I leave that to females and homos.
jasin13 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
so you've obviously never pulled back the foreskin to wash your junk. ewwwwwww. you got what you deserve.
suppressed08 2
Some people have still got the 'connector' between foreskin and the head of the penis. It's meant to be pretty damn painful to pull on.
xFaust_fml 12
Wait, what? It never seemed weird to you before, that it had never retracted? You should've done it yourself, gently. Or seen a doctor if it hadn't worked. YDI.
Sirin_fml 47
Lulz.
Epilepsy_fml 0
Hey moron, I'm uncircumcised I wash everyday. And im glad you find my dick disgusting because if you're that girl in your pic I definitely wouldn't **** you. I've ****** more chicks than you've ****** guys and I can promise you it feels no different for them and it feels better for me. If you want to spew out garbage go do some research or talk You your doctor about it. Dumbass.
easwhitey 0
Teehee...he said penis
xoxmichaelaxox 5
what re u 12?
BitchynessIsGod 4
**** you kid. Way to act like most guys ages 10-17 that I know.....
rkdtd1 0
Hehehehe. Penis.
hazymay 0
dude umm your suppose to clean under there I'm a girl and I know that