Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Azalorgm 7
I feel like this needs a follow up
klovemachine 24
If at first you don't succeed, try try again :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (94)
Azalorgm 7
I feel like this needs a follow up
mattjamt 16
I think we can expect a follow up in another 3 months...
incoherentrmblr 22
Don't Look Back in Anger...
mollyjynxjax 28
Yeah, look to the future with disdain instead
Tymaster5 22
I want to give a like but the likes are 69 so I agree this needs a follow up.
incoherentrmblr 22
#23, it was a reference to the Oasis song, since the title of the FML is Sally, which is the name of the person they use in that song.
klovemachine 24
If at first you don't succeed, try try again :)
zandalee 20
Totally. I can't even imagine OP's pain. Three months!!
gabbi630 16
Just go at it again.
lilmslady 11
2nd times a charm...... or just wait till everyones gone next time
lilmslady 11
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!
picante72 24
She needs a Hitachi Magic Wand ;)
redbluegreen 41
If only they were complimentary.
xoamy906 25
If it makes you feel better, I've never had one. Perhaps shower when nobody is home and try again?
valalvax 13
Inb4 a slew of I can help you with that comments
JAKASS200 5
*cough*thirsty*cough*
Jabberwockyy 13
Depending on your age #8 that may not be a bad thing.
xoamy906 25
I'm 18, haha. Depends on your body I guess
expectcriticism 13
and on what's going in it..
drshn 22
There are different ways I could suggest but It's OK, I guess, as you are young and you have a long way to go. On a positive note you will know that a guy special and youare in a good relationship when you have one.
Phoebe_Buffay 14
nope nopeeee. I dont approve of your face... it's too pretty. this is why girls can't find male companions.
wchilds17 4
Never had an ****** because of bad sex ?Or still a virgin lol
limabeans101029 21
79- a lot of women just find it difficult to have orgasms. Sex isn't the only way to achieve an ******, and a lot of women can't actually get an ****** just by having sex. So if someone has never had an ******, that doesn't automatically mean that they're either a virgin or that they have "bad sex".
jgwyh 18
Why not just reply with I'm coming?. No one would of known
breezyblue33 19
That may have worked in American Pie, but IRL if you were seconds away from cumming and your parents interrupted you, that's an instant mood killer right there. Unless you're into that sort of thing.
JMichael 26
Can you not ******, or just that busy?
bubblyhayley 16
bit too personal dont ya think...
JMichael 26
If it was too personal I don't think OP would have posted the FML.
WhatsOpTic 11
Try it when no one is home?