Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML
Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML
Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML
Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML
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Top comments
Azalorgm 7
I feel like this needs a follow up
klovemachine 24
If at first you don't succeed, try try again :)
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Comments (94)
uarudeassbitchyo 17
POW! Right in the kisser
challan 19
I think if Op was being kissed there, this fml would be nonexistent.
babeababe 16
If you can't do it when no one is home. Go to your room, lock the door, put on some music loud enough to drown out the sound of a vibrator, and go at it again.
worldclassrager 41
Keep trying you'll get one eventually...
frizz101 22
Maybe you should try when no one is home? That's probably a good start.
redbluegreen 41
If you do succeed, remember, screaming out might give you away. Instead, transition into singing the opening of the Lion King.
lilmslady 11
this comment made my insides smile
an3ph 20
Come on, hurry up!
tj4234 36
3 months of no orgasms? Part of me wonders what you are doing wrong when masturbating (i got the impression from this that you still are).
larrena2377 26
The same exact thing happened to me..
LinkandSaria 10
This is her FML not yours.
larrena2377 26
Wasn't trying to make about me. Just saying that because I know how she feels
Farmillionaire 8
or maybe she is the one that wrote it but secretly doesnt want anyone to know it was her....hmmm???
LinkandSaria 10
Rent a hotel and buy a vibrator. That should work
Mauskau 36
An entire hotel just for an ******?!
redbluegreen 41
Hopefully more than one.
awilliams44 9
dang time to get it fired up