Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Caught in 1080p
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Cranking it
Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML
Nearly there
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Realistic
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Knock first
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Lock your doors
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
Top comments
ojskyguy 8
Search your room for hidden surveillance.
michaelm1290 23
Tell your dad to beat it.
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Comments (120)
giantsfan2010 23
Sounds like you weren't being very quiet!
quickit 24
Yeah, you should wait until no one is home.
sunnyray812 42
Or his parents could've set up a surveillance camera in his room.
ghosthuggers 4
No it isn't, if it's in his house he can put all the cameras up he wants.
Axipiter 24
Way to go 22, make him even more paranoid. Well done. 5 to 1 if he reads your comment, he tears apart his room looking for said camera.
sunnyray812 42
#51 I'm just trying to help him find out why his father would know every time he masturbates. It could save him from future embarrassment. #53 It does sound gross, and I'm definitely not for it, but it is true. The main reason why it's legal is for safety reasons. Burglaries could happen; he could sneak out at night.
sunnyray812 42
#61 They do have outside cameras for those reasons, too. I'd rather have that than one in my bedroom. It does suck that's it's legal, but that's the way it is. Thankfully, a big majority of people don't place cameras in their child's room. I think it's weird, too, and invasion of privacy.
sig4life 18
I would think that he normally isn't quiet and when he is, he is busted. Wow people went right to surveillance. I would say just turn on the TV and enjoy yourself.
interesting33 37
I don't think it is just an invasion of privacy - surely that is sexual abuse! If you are watching someone else dress/undress/********** and they are under 16, with their permission or without it, it is sexual abuse. Which I believe is illegal.
Ichiya 29
Only if you get sexual pleasure out of it. As long as it is solely for security purposes you are fine.
riffehunter 16
if hes sitting in his bed chances are its shaking a little, its very obvious through walls/floor
interesting33 37
But how could anyone tell if it is for security or something else? Seems very hard to police.
interesting33 37
Plus it sounds like OP is a teenager and has not been told if there are cameras in the room. I think at that age you should be told if that is the case. It rings alarm bells for me. If OP had been a girl and their Dad had cameras in the room without telling them - I would say that was very very concerning.
interesting33 37
*girl or boy
mrmcleod 29
Glad you corrected that. ;P
ojskyguy 8
Search your room for hidden surveillance.
tzemmy 25
that's what I'm thinking. unless OP wasn't being as quiet as he thought...
michaelm1290 23
Tell your dad to beat it.
waratmars 10
Got to love incest
JMichael 26
He wasn't suggesting incest
headofmedusa 15
Just beat it
MidnaLink 35
I now have Michael Jackson in my head thanks to headofmedusa.
lovelyvampire 16
yeah he needs to stop being a jerk.... I tried, I'm sorry.
zelious 8
He shouldn't be so hard-on you, though you must-abide by his rules.
RoboCunnilingus 23
#55 Was "must abide" supposed to be a play on "**********"? Don't do that again.
Murilirum 23
You're supposed to MUTE your computer or use headphones. ... But we all only watch it for the storyline anyways. Right?
SAGARCo 19
Sometimes the protagonist is stupid enough to be the only reason to see it.
NickyK 25
If at first you don't succeed . . . Go into the bathroom.
devildog562 33
That's awkward on so many levels. Go get a girlfriend or take a shower.
DenverTyrrell 13
Yup, because it's just as simple as "go and get a girlfriend"
devildog562 33
Or take a shower. It really isn't that difficult to meet people of you try. It is hard to meet a good person.
foxwasalamb 24
it is simple to get a girlfriend. some people exude the scent "desperation" just find one
Gittoh 21
but people ********** even when in a relationship. .. so it wouldn't really help him at home. I would just turn the tv on and do it quietly under a blanket or something. or do it when noone else are home. or the shower.
lammm_fml 18
Erm did you really continue trying to jack off after the third time of being asked to be quiet...?
badluckalex 23
I would've been too paranoid after the first time! this is why you make sure you are home alone or everyone is asleep
Retaheki 27
your pic is perfect for this FML
Retaheki 27
Your pic of this is perfect for this FML
Retaheki 27
Damn it, laggy
justthinkalittle 8
He definitely has a problem.
RA91 26
Face palm -__- complete frustration!
cakefete2 31
Not face palm, OP was trying to palm meat, but his dad keeps stopping his alone time.
LegalLoitering 12
Check for cameras or something
igive 29
"Go away dad! You ruing the mood!"
cmchappy 25
My hero is right above this just saying