Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up, she would take me to get birth control. Wanting birth control, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I'm not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
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Top comments
real life problems 26
That's good parenting
donthatemebut 14
That will teach you.
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Comments (23)
donthatemebut 14
That will teach you.
Shawnie Gallant 24
You deserved it.
real life problems 26
That's good parenting
Mathalamus 25
Well justified punishment.
Hejira Hayes 8
YDI if you were only thinking of your own pleasure, otherwise FYL because keeping you at home for a month is supposed to build your skills in the bedroom...how?
skippydoda 32
Plenty of time to practice
bl3ur0z3 17
Home has a bedroom.
RichardPencil 32
Now you’ll have a month to stay home and watch “training videos” on how to really pleasure a woman. They may be called “adult film actresses” but their responses have to be genuine. It’s the law!
ThrottleJockey 36
Okay, Donnie Baker.
distortedcognition 17
Ha! Your dad deserves a parenting trophy!
bl3ur0z3 17
Finally, a father teaching his child the importance of pleasing his woman.
Charlie Given 28
Umm wow your dad needs to be taught something called personal space and should have had this conversation in private if at all,and talk about a creeper for listening in on a personal conversation with your GF,if he thought it was so important for you to be a bedroom Superman he should have given you tips on the down low and not embarrass you in front of the GF🙄😡
cazziuz1983 9
children have no right to personal space(or any right fir that matter other than a right fir food and a bed plus a education)if you are under the legal age of being an adult,then you are not an adult.that being said the dad could have heard it through a vent or some such,specially if it was a older house,lot of them have vent/air ducts that connect directly to other rooms,or perhaps OP and his gf were not a quite while discussing things as they though.
Cali 57
Refusing to give your kids personal space is actually a form of psychological child abuse.
Justin Allan Bannister 9
good dad, you make your girl happy son.