Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Loverman
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Spoiled the mood
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML
Whatever floats your boat
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Man's best friend
Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML
Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Snuggle up
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Classy
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Top comments
amazinemo578 4
what? that's romantic
spady62287 0
WIN!
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Comments (342)
iRyanJr 0
Atleast he didn't say 'get me a sandwich bitch'.
takrushi 4
he's a keeper
LoganBballin16 0
this guy is so funny!!refering to op here! lol
babyale760 0
you should of just gave him head OP. I mean in the moonlight...come on who can say no to that. lol
xBangOut 4
I actually lol'd :D
allenrotstein 0
Your BF is a win!
Bman54 19
That's what he should have said!
biass 0
Oh my god, that shit is halarious. He should honestly be a comedian or something if he says funny stuff on that level often. LOL, LMFAO, ROFL.
madarchod 0
awesome FML
pcakewafflebacon 0
three dick moon t shirt?
jazmixer 0
that is the second most romantic thing I've seen. first was when I asked my girl to do some anal play down by the ocean while she gave me head.
italianboy_fml 0
36 u r hot
chuchurocket 4
1 has nice pic and I love your bf, I'd suck his dick in the moonlight
missmurderx 8
hi. italianboy? I hope you realize you just made a homosexual comment. c;
LightningLadyy 0
Ahhhh that's great! (;
mikeyb102 0
Hell yeah haha
persianlovaaa691 0
hahahhahaha
agentx52 13
123, you're an idiot. The picture of that girl is not of that user. Read the shirt. "I
amazinemo578 4
what? that's romantic
kdkorz 7
I thought that was kind of funny...
amazinemo578 4
it is and romantic
keilanclarke 0
agreed. and on a serious not, this guy is a legend.
keilanclarke 0
note*
5t3ff1k4h 47
Ugh. Yes, the guy was kidding. Why don't people (below) have a sense of humour? At least he tried! Can't blame a guy for tryin'...
swalch43 0
hahahahahahahah that us probly the funniest fml I've ever read
girlygurl690 0
I love ur boyfriend
fatman217 0
wow he has an amazing sex life if he's girl sucks he's dick after he said that
gabii1fred 0
hahaha your boyfriend is my hero xD
shinshoku13 19
Haha
spady62287 0
WIN!
xXSweetNightmare 0
Heh, She's got a boyfriend with a sense of humor at least. :D
purplegee 2
I second that. Total win!
glitterbabe224 0
i agree. complete win.(:
eternalsunlight 5
Hahahaha! This is hilarious!!! Literally made me laugh out loud!!!
sydney184829 0
That was on ifunny.
suprmidgt 0
well said sir!
Macromartyr 3
Haha avid FML reader you are
DonJuan_13 0
agreed
logandean 0
agreed!
hunterman 0
nice. i wonder if his name is big bob
XZero_fml 0
well played sir! well played indeed!
spade1997 0
lmfao
cookiemonsterinc 0
EPIC WIN lmao. sorry maybe you need a better bf
MdoAngel 0
exactly. haha
LittleBritt 0
indeed! well played in my opinion ;D
TheRetardedApple 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
well I'm 14 and I would probably blow my boyfriend if he asked me too. just sayin. and btw. I'm NOT a ****.
5t3ff1k4h 47
...She says, as she admits her age and what she would do to her boyfriend. Kid, you don't even know the definition of '****' if you don't think that's not slutty.
Freeze_fml 17
Yeah, not slutty at all. Teenage mother coming up.
5t3ff1k4h 47
If you don't think that's slutty* Oops. My bad.
penguinazul 13
Her username is "TheRetardedApple"... But to get on topic: OP: BAHAHAHA. You have a wonderful and funny boyfriend! You better suck his dick in the moonlight and LIKE IT. And also: You know, I've noticed a lot of very private scenarios of people's intimate time with their significant others on here. I often wonder if that said significant other knows that their boyfriend/girlfriend is posting their derp moments on the internet for everyone to see. I also wonder what happens when boyfriend/girlfriend finds out that their significant other is posting their personal life for everyone to see. I mean, it may be written as anonymous (like in this scenario) but that doesn't mean OP's boyfriend does not remember this moment. I know *my* guy would probably be quite upset if I posted some of the things he said/did on here. I know this is the internet and people don't give a shit about each other or their privacy, but it's really just a thought I'm sharing -- I'm wondering if other people think about the same thing.
Freeze_fml 17
Should be obvious.
5t3ff1k4h 47
192 - *facepalm*
5t3ff1k4h 47
I think it's blatantly obvious how that's slutty, as Freeze said. Do I really need to elaborate?
katelyn92507 1
I don't think that's really "slutty" as long as you're in a committed relationship, but I think that 14's definitely too young.. Jesus, how do people have time to squeeze a little bit of childhood into their lifetimes like this? I thought that 14's when you're supposed to be kissing boys and stuff-- you have your whole lifetime to blow them, why not slow down..?
5t3ff1k4h 47
It's not admission of defeat if the answer's right in front of your face. The only times you're able to prove me wrong is when I actually say the words "you're right" or you have facts to prove mine wrong, which you don't. Let me ask you this? How is a 14 year old going down on her boyfriend NOT slutty? Her age is a good factor in this question. From the way she's worded her post, it seems like she's very eager to tell the world about it. Most people aren't... why is it, then, that she feels its appropriate to announce what she does behind presumably closed doors to the world? Mind you, it's not as slutty as it could be, but it's still slutty.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Pen - That's true. Thank you. But then how can he tell me I'm wrong if we're both right? I wasn't thinking about the dictionary definition; I was thinking about the more common definition that we've all accepted, as you know. Also, we don't know what else she does. She could be promiscuous.
Freeze_fml 17
pendatik - its* Tsk, tsk.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Please take a chill pill; there are several out there, so you can take your pick. I did support my statement with valid evidence. Last time I checked, I didn't refuse to give an answer. I simply said the answer is blatantly obvious. Since you continued to whine, I wrote the answer and my views in my previous post, which I'm sure you've read. We are both right; did you not see Pen's comment?
5t3ff1k4h 47
You honestly need to go to sleep, take some meds, something. Usually, though somewhat harsh, your comments are decent enough that they don't make you seem like a total douchebag. Apparently, that's not true lately. "If you use defintion 2b from there, you're right." So, that means we're both right. I thought this would have been settled, since neither one of us were told we're wrong (well, except me since you think you're better than everyone. Methinks it's time for you to be knocked down a few pegs...). I used the definition everyone else uses in a common conversation while you had the stick up your ass and decided to be all technical, when everyone already knows what the hell I'm talking about. You just decided to stir the shit like an immature little boy. Finally, we're both right. I'm sorry you have to share your undeserved victory, but deal with it.
penguinazul 13
Why do y'all care so much? The girl is a **** or she isn't. If she is, she'll get what's coming to her. If she's not, she'll carry on without a care in the world, like you people should be doing regardless of whether she's a **** or not. What difference does it make? There's no use getting all worked up over whether some stupid 14 year old little girl is being promiscuous or not. It doesn't affect you (unless she's your little sister or something), so you shouldn't worry about it. Why can't we all just get along!
Freeze_fml 17
These "caving to social terms" led to the definition of most of the words in the dictionary. If that weren't the case, "gay" wouldn't mean homosexual. "if youre not going to answer it, im taking it as an admission of defeat." Sweet man. Me too. Glad we are on the same page here about last time.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Well said, Pen. Penguin - Because OC has to argue with everyone, whether he's right or wrong.
penguinazul 13
Well, I think OC is the true **** here. *gasp* JUST KIDDING!
5t3ff1k4h 47
OC - You don't see the term **** as an insult, yet the minute anyone uses the word, you fly off the handle. Something's not quite right with that. Also, I'm not bitter. I'm simply pointing out the fact that you compulsively argue with anyone you can. Every post I see written by you is part of an argument over something. I KNOW I'm not wrong all the time. However, you seem to think I am. Do you have something against me?
5t3ff1k4h 47
But that's just language for you. It's not going to change just because you throw a hissy fit and think it shouldn't be that way. You really need to get off your high horse. I'm done this conversation. I've proved my point; it's not an incorrect usage, and you're not god. Oh, and by the way, I can comment on what I believe you do because I haven't seen anything different. I'm not going to assume "good" comments are out there if I haven't seen them. Good day.
Cinn_fml 23
Whoa, calm down. This has gone a bit beyond the original argument. Chaos - Steph was using a slang term, that doesn't make her stupid. Slang terms might not be dictionary defined, but they are generally accepted with that meaning. You don't have to agree with them, or even like them, but that doesn't mean it's completely incorrect to use them. Steph - Chaos does agree with some people, but he does disagree with a lot of people as well. They are usually idiots though. However, he is setting his standard by dictionary definitions, and by dictionary I mean OED or whatever.
Iissosmart 5
Everyone shut the **** up. It's annoying to scroll through all this. Send a message next time.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Thanks, Cinn. I can't believe this stupid argument went on for this long either, especially since we're both right. :/ Also, @OC, passive bitch? I'm sorry. That's a compliment, and I had to laugh.
5t3ff1k4h 47
That wasn't "bitchy". That was me giving an opinion. Which, apparently, isn't allowed according to you. Go do your assignments, and sleep. Maybe then you'll lighten up and take the stick out of your ass.
Cinn_fml 23
*facepalm* Both of you, just agree to disagree. You both have your own opinions, and you both have a good bit of intelligence, and you clearly aren't going to agree on this, and it's escalated way beyond the original argument.
5t3ff1k4h 47
*facepalm* That's okay, you didn't understand me either. Anyways, I tried to leave this discussion yesterday. It's official. I'm done.
penguinazul 13
lmao This definitely got ridiculously long. I keep getting emails about it cause I have my thingy set to follow the comments I've posted on. Every email I'm like, "Damn, they're still going on about that?" It was rather entertaining, though. I was interested to see how much longer it was gonna be.
Rape_Laser 0
I'm 14 and that girls definitely a ****
isallwaysme 27
when my girlfriend and i were 14, she blew me. were 16 now, and even at the age of 14, we were dating over a year. before another we were completely untouched. doesn't make her slutty for going down on me.
deepbluesea 1
He's a guy what else would you expect him to say?
bleedforMayheM 0
im a guy and i incredibly hate all that stuff
mclovin55 0
fag!
mario75 0
boyfriend FTW
pencilcozy 1
I think he deserves a high five and a ********. Clever boy.
bh0p 0
He should write a MLIB (My Life Is Bro) about this. :p and maybe YDI if you have sex or suck him up alot