Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML
Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
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Top comments
Alexis2742 31
It probably learned from you
1911 3
gotta love evolution!!
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Comments (93)
MSCCG 16
Tabasco will fix it.
mockingjay87 4
Oh my god lol!!!!!!
cheesebond 29
You should post a video on YouTube that seems hysterical
SavannahSunshine 26
No competition - this is easily the best FML I've ever read.
aishaa1 15
I regret reading this fml.
JD1147 27
What a wanker...
buckdharma 38
He plans to run on the wheel all day to increase his stamina, so he can go all night soon.
VampOfSavannah 31
Poor thing, he's probably bored out of his mind. Maybe he isn't getting enough attention from his humans.
Gittoh 21
maybe he is lonely, guinea pigs are very social and should have a room mate. Let the vet remove his balls and find ham a cute lady :)
Camillaheha 18
Give it a friend, guinea pigs aren't supposed to be alone! D:
BFons 19
Buy the little guy soma magazines.