Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
All you people making fun of the OP for not kissing this girl despite having dated for 3 weeks...you're really the most immature ones here. If you think the physical stuff is what matters in a relationship, I'd love to see how your marriages work out. You want to know why so many marriages fail these days? Because so many people try to build them on a foundation of superficial infatuation and physical "intimacy," rather than a deeper emotional and psychological connection. Seriously, quit acting like hormone-flooded 15-year-olds and grow up. That being said...how exactly is this an FML? Okay, so the guinea pig went down her shirt...so what? Animals do stuff like that. I fail to see how this is a bad thing for you, nor how exactly it relates to the fact of dating for 3 weeks without kissing.
ChaosChild 0
Really? Are you jealous of a creature with a 3-5 year life span that eats its young? Really dude if you want to kiss her then kiss her, start with her cheek if you're that nervous.
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Comments (100)
roundthewheel 0
Sounds like a personal problem, slick.
Sydney92 3
that's natural
quiksta 0
no wonder you haven't kissed. she's cheating with the guinea pig which has been satisfying her. you better show that little player who's boss g. also, you better get even with her thong, i heard she's been giving up the ass to it.
iivs 0
Once I had a girlfriend. We first kissed after 4 or more months.
IMTHEGREATEST 0
lol once
ChaosChild 0
Really? Are you jealous of a creature with a 3-5 year life span that eats its young? Really dude if you want to kiss her then kiss her, start with her cheek if you're that nervous.
genericnickname 0
"go slap this girl's pussy as hard as you can." I think I heard something like that on the Dr. Phil show.
backfire_fml 0
Wow. three whole weeks.
iworryaboutyou 4
I was thinking the exact same thing.
l33tm0nk3y 0
All you people making fun of the OP for not kissing this girl despite having dated for 3 weeks...you're really the most immature ones here. If you think the physical stuff is what matters in a relationship, I'd love to see how your marriages work out. You want to know why so many marriages fail these days? Because so many people try to build them on a foundation of superficial infatuation and physical "intimacy," rather than a deeper emotional and psychological connection. Seriously, quit acting like hormone-flooded 15-year-olds and grow up. That being said...how exactly is this an FML? Okay, so the guinea pig went down her shirt...so what? Animals do stuff like that. I fail to see how this is a bad thing for you, nor how exactly it relates to the fact of dating for 3 weeks without kissing.
muffinkitty 15
thank you!!! totally agree!
smittys 7
You must be ugly!!
wobbla 4
totally agree ! totally agree ! you must be ugly..
golfer_boi 10
99- you must be a douche!!
HeWillBeLoved105 22
Oh my god, I agree. I was seriously thinking the same thing, but nobody could say it better than you.
gunnerysgt 15
They must be the "yolo-swagging" types
alitairi 18
this comment was so perfect, I literally had to create account (after years of not having one) just to say so. both parts, exactly what I was thinking.
hootch 0
well, KISS HER KID!!!! what's the worse that can happen? She is your girlfriend=] goodluck!
CountDown681 0
ok 3 things 1.hahahahaha your jelous of a guinea pig 2. #23 i agree with you in that the mental has more value but its hard to have one without the other. and whats wrong with being a "hormone-flooded 15-year-old"??? 3. be patient kid
bagsoffairydust 10
Hormone flooded children are stupid and hardly make good decisions.
Clemfail 0
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand friendzone