Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML
Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
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Top comments
Alexis2742 31
It probably learned from you
1911 3
gotta love evolution!!
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Comments (93)
Shandra78 9
I used to have a neutered male cat who started humping my feet at night after I bought a fuzzy blanket. One night I must have kicked him just right because he never tried it again...he switched to doing it in his catbed, then he'd lick himself. Cats. Or is it 'Males'?
grumblebum 16
5 minutes? Some men might want him to share tips.
flufee2 27
We all know you secretly like it ;)
awkwierd 9
even animals have needs
whatthepinapples 1
Guinea pigs shouldn't have wheels. It's really bad for their spines and can cause premature arthritis.
JMichael 26
Hey guinea pigs need their alone time too!
SuperMew 22
You could always move the little guy into a different room if he is causing problems.
thereal_BA 5
I don't think I've heard of that happening before....and I've heard of some weird shit in my day
EvilLittleMan 23
You need to get video of this and post it on You Tube.
ASBriere 8
It took me a while to comment cause I've been dying from laughter for quite some time now. This is awesome