Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML
Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
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Top comments
Alexis2742 31
It probably learned from you
1911 3
gotta love evolution!!
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Comments (93)
feroxletum 6
You're just jealous you can't last that long!
sippysipsip 5
You should make a YouTube video of it. Im pretty sure it would go viral.
rinoa_fml 10
Take the wheel out of his cage each evening and put it back each morning.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
How do you hear it at night? Guinea pigs aren't that loud. Is it in your room? Do you have your door open? Surely there's something you can do to muffle the sound.
Isa_fml 20
Wheels are not safe for guinea pigs, it shouldn't be in there anyway.
Otaku31 19
Maybe you should get him a girlfriend O_o
itwasalongnight 10
Epically awesome FML! Horribly annoying for you, but it put as mile on my face, so thank you! =)
worldclassrager 41
It's your sisters pet...shouldn't it be in her room?
sanecatlady 13
Be glad he isn't a real pig. I read that their orgasms last about 30 minutes! O_O
homerr123 15
that's awesome