Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML
Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML
Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML
Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML
Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML
Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML
Today, my daughter's guinea pig got stuck behind the wardrobe, squeaking its head off. I tried pulling the wardrobe towards me to free him, but couldn't take the weight of it all, so it fell over, smashing the TV. The guinea pig is fine. FML
Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML
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Top comments
Alexis2742 31
It probably learned from you
1911 3
gotta love evolution!!
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Comments (93)
thatg1ng3r 13
Take it to the vet and get him neutered
Sperratic 2
I call shenanigans. Guinea pigs shouldn't even have exercise wheels; their spines aren't made to curve into the concave position that the wheel would force them into.
jcp012000 5
Oh man!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha!! Wait wait.... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
spookycat32 6
This is one of the more awesome thing I have read on the Internet in a long time.
AgentPlatypus73 8
Take him to get neutered.
DGR3107 10
Chop his dick off
honeybunny27 6
If it's really a guinea pig take away the wheel, those are bad for them. You're welcome.
afulcer 11
*Anonymous... Lol
Sperratic 2
Guinea pigs shouldn't even have exercise wheels; their spines aren't made to curve into the concave position that the wheel would force them into. Take that wheel out and get some sleep.
9eberra1 6
That's ducking hilarious