Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." My whole house now smells like piss. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML
Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML
Today, I walked into a bathroom to find a dad telling his kids not play with the pee in the urinals. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML
Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML
Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML
Today, I’m staying with a friend who believes in, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, only brown gets flushed down.” Well, her 3 or 4 mellow yellows with accompanying paper prior to my surprise brown caused the pipe to clog. Oh and the extractor fan doesn’t work either. FML
Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML
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Top comments
bacincheeseburge 9
In this land of sun and fun, we do not flush for number one.
islander03 5
That awkward moment now that everytime you flush everyone knows you were pooing ......
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Comments (191)
CharliesCool2084 8
Forget your dads rule, just go and flush the toilet! Or say you're taking a dump so you can flush it.
Gothicbunnyx3 16
What if its red?
Todeswalzer 14
Good question!
mee181 1
If it's red, she should flush it. Unless her dad says otherwise, and if he does, then he's just a weirdo.
CharliesCool2084 8
I'm guessing you're all men? Period jokes are so pathetic.
mee181 1
I'm a girl thank you. And I didn't make a joke about anyone's period...actually, no one did, that person just asked a question and received my opinion as an answer.
Dirty_Minded_FML 2
Tell him to stop being so cheap
heyred 11
Tell your father to put a brick in the top tank to save water instead - compromise, but you're still saving water.
Carmelo77 2
Lmfao that's to much!
asktherunes 4
That's saying has been around forever. Rumor has it that it started in CA Find it hard to believe that the whole house smells like piss. How many people live there? Are they all boys cause they piss everywhere
OfficeNinja 5
Water conservation stinks huh?
cheerchickeey 0
That sounds like something my stepdad would do. Oh wait... He already did.
iloveweed69 7
that's delicious
Aoifexzx 3
Meet the Fockers quotes FTW.