Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." My whole house now smells like piss. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML
Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML
Today, I walked into a bathroom to find a dad telling his kids not play with the pee in the urinals. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML
Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML
Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML
Today, I’m staying with a friend who believes in, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, only brown gets flushed down.” Well, her 3 or 4 mellow yellows with accompanying paper prior to my surprise brown caused the pipe to clog. Oh and the extractor fan doesn’t work either. FML
Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bacincheeseburge 9
In this land of sun and fun, we do not flush for number one.
islander03 5
That awkward moment now that everytime you flush everyone knows you were pooing ......
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (191)
bacincheeseburge 9
In this land of sun and fun, we do not flush for number one.
AFCA020 4
That really pisses me off!!!
Pentium_4 27
i just got into bed after brushing my teeth then i saw your display pic.....i'm now cooking a burger downstairs
deviable 9
Just flush and say you did a number 2...
thiscrazything 1
That's a stupid rule. He would save more money if he stopped feeding you and letting you drink.... No toilets to flush either then. Damn cheap ass, just flush anyway, that's disgusting.
marinus_fml 20
Your whole house smells like piss? The new rule doesn't state you should piss in any other room besides the bathroom.
R3TROxLOV3 32
Marinus, My dad also used to have the same rule, but after a week he gave it up because like the OP, our house smelled like piss. When you have 2-4 people peeing a few times everyday and not flushing it, the smell of stale piss makes its way through the house. No pissing in other rooms required.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
PIIIIIIIIIISS!!
Sebastian_NG 17
62 - I don't know if it's just in my case, but one time when my toilet was out of order and I couldn't flush it, I got the bathroom and all of the adjacent area smelling like pee because I sleepwalked and went to pee every night for a week, and especially if you leave it like that for so long, something happens in the toilet, God knows what, and it starts reeking very strongly of amonia, that's why I feel very sorry for OP, it must be hell in her house right now.
pattipan 7
You are right on, No. 68. My parents also instituted this rule when my brother and I were in high school. We had two toilets and within days, the whole three-story house absolutely reeked of urine. We'd flush if someone came over but the smell lingered and guests were disgusted. Thirty years later my parents still have this disgusting rule. Whenever you enter their home, the stench of urine hits you and these days they don't even bother to flush for guests, so to use their powder room is to see a bowl full of their accumulated piss in all its glory. There is a line between 'economical' and 'nuts' and I'm afraid these two crossed it years ago.
thegreathawk 0
i never flush when i pee to save water, it never smelled like pee
LadyA13 1
You've probably just gotten used to the stench...
Akai_fml 4
Keep a tally of every time you would have flushed but couldn't because of the rule. Then, when no one is home, flush that many times. The lack of a dent in the water bill may cause your father to reconsider his disgusting practices.
herrobear 0
You don't pay the water bill do you.
XxHoPPoxX 8
- 96 cool story bro
ajh557 22
#49 it's to save water dumb **** and it's not that hard to stop the piss smell all you have to do it put down the toilet lid and flush once a day if no one pooped but hey everyone else's ideas seem great
FruityLoooons 8
Huh. Didn't think anyone actually followed that 'rule'.
MoodyBlue320 11
What if it's green? =P
Jamialia 5
Men's pee smells more than ladies.
Roevera 14
Just flush it. How will he know if you pooped or not? They'll just think you poop a lot.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Try get out of the city then. You usually follow it in the spring if you have a septic tank til it can be pumped. That said, you also flush every few pees too! You don't let it build for days.
maxmex13 7
Here's another rule for you: flush it fast and it will last, flush it slow and it will go
wilsontws 18
Yellow, yellow, dirty fellow!
somerandomdude19 2
Lol that's funny because you're asian :D
jonriise18 3
You are a dirty yellow fellow. Sorry. Couldn't resist.
kreepers 6
^That's juvenile!
capt_awesome1 11
just flush the toilet, it can't be that bad.
killercrow 4
Dude, f*ck the rule, flush the toilet. Seriously!
Furrywhiplash 14
And if OP gets in trouble for flushing just piss, she should just start eating everything that makes her shit a lot.
bmwguy01 8
Op. could piss in the sink!? past FML?
okiidokii_fml 6
Yeah and if he doesn't let you flush tell him their tons of bacteria in pee and you read and article if you get other peoples pee on you and when you get sick it will be 62% harder to get better due to the extra bacteria. (not true but oh well)
ProhibitionRose 14
...yeah...piss is sterile >.> but nice try!
MerrikBarbarian 9
Technically it's sterile, as it leaves your body. The second it hits a bowl which contains trace fecal matter it's not
girl112891 7
Flush and say you happen to poop allot. He's not going to come in and check the bowl for poo before allowing you to flush is he? Or pee in the yard. Or just close the toilet lid and walk around with air freshener. Good luck!
islander03 5
That awkward moment now that everytime you flush everyone knows you were pooing ......
FinnishAmerican 3
It's a natural human thing to do! Only young immature kids worry about people knowing they took a dump
islander03 5
Soo I said awkward I didn't say I'm embarrassed or worried I just said everyone knows when everyone poos. And actually the people who are fastest to name call like u hinting I'm immature are usually the immature ones...
pattipan 7
The worst part is taking a horrific dump into a toilet filled with group pee and having the 'backsplash' hit you.
KM96 24
Yes! That is totally disgusting !!! :P
perdix 31
You mean "His whole house smells like pee." You don't have a house. Get a job and find your own place where you can waste water shamelessly.
boomhauer18 3
Get a life and quit being such a dick
Good_old_Grim 8
Waste water? The OP is in Colorado. I didn't know there is a water shortage in Colorado...
FYLDeep 26
There's water in the Colorado river, but I think Nevada and California own the rights to quite a bit of it. What are you gonna do?
Furrywhiplash 14
Boomhauer18- You need to stop your little bitching everytime somebody makes a remotely rude comment. It's the WORLD WIDE web, you can't convince everyone on it to stop being a jerk. Most of the time you just yell at people making corrections, when such mistakes can complete alter the perspective/meaning of the comment. Plus, perdix is well respected on FML and makes a pretty viable point in his comment.
djsamixin 3
Cause its that easy, op! Gosh.
M0rt 0
Can no one take a joke anymore
boomhauer18 3
I will say what i want to say and you can shut the hell up.
Furrywhiplash 14
42- I am fully aware you can say what you want, just letting you know that the context of your comments usually come across as bitching. Such as both of your comments on this thread.
daminantion 14
On that note: Boomhauer can get on the ground an bite a curb. Oh, and FYL OP. :)
TheNewGuy03 29
Guys, seriously... When is Perdix ever serious? For a site that's made to entertain, there are definitely an overwhelming amount of humorless sods. |the kid|
boxbrandon11 20
Boomhauer18, now i see why there is someone putting a gun in your mouth.
reddudeover 2
42 If you can say what ever the **** YOU want so can we. Now GTFO!!!
jelmermcgee 8
Boomhauer 18, perhaps you should take your own advice and get a life. It's always amusing to see someone who is a dick with no life tell someone else to stop being a dick and get a life. You sir, are a moron.
iwadasn 33
I'm guessing the OP is still a teenager.
MetalxSoldier 26
What if it's red???
darwinism 30
"If it's red, call a med" "if it's green, that shit is mean" "if it's blue, it's going to **** you" Any other colours?
annagilbert 6
hahah! eww
MetalxSoldier 26
Haha... You get my kudos Darwinism.
djsamixin 3
Do it in the bed!
Isoldael 27
15 - I challenge you to make one for purple ;)
darwinism 30
Challenge accepted: "if it's purple, you're going to hirple...because you have torn your curple"
FinnishAmerican 3
What about black?
MetalxSoldier 26
If it's black, your shit is wack!
darwinism 30
if it's black, get an ice pack. Handle as "if it's red", and call a med!
MetalxSoldier 26
I dont think you need an ice pack for a black turd. Black eye maybe but definatly not a black turd.
darwinism 30
66, if the turd is black it's been in for too long! Something is definetly wrong. Ice your bum and go see a doctor asap.
MasterE56 4
72 - are you a scatologist? Lol
darwinism 30
80, I wanted to be one but I don't know crap about the field. Apparently all I wrote was shit on the exam.
markrs 0
Turquoise!
Michael87Jackson_fml 10
Aquamarine. xD Or Periwinkle.
girl112891 7
"If it's purple, it might be hurl." Or "if it's purple, flush and watch it swirl." "If it's black, check your ball sack"?...
XtraEzeee 8
Orange?
XtraEzeee 8
Orange?
smlz4me 1
MEET THE FOCKERS!
sweetdreams20 0
A stinky pee sounds like unhealthy pee.. (same with yellow drink water)
Justy101 23
Not necessarily, asparagus can give you really stinky pee.
sweetdreams20 0
Actually studies have shown that it may not be friendly to the kidneys.. I also doubt that they eat it everyday.. But then again you never know.....
spongebob1990 3
Stinky pee can be a health issue or they just dont drink water enough u wouldnt know without a urine culture
ICATiger 13
Bear Grylls dream house??