Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." My whole house now smells like piss. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML
Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML
Today, I walked into a bathroom to find a dad telling his kids not play with the pee in the urinals. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML
Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML
Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML
Today, I’m staying with a friend who believes in, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, only brown gets flushed down.” Well, her 3 or 4 mellow yellows with accompanying paper prior to my surprise brown caused the pipe to clog. Oh and the extractor fan doesn’t work either. FML
Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML
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Top comments
bacincheeseburge 9
In this land of sun and fun, we do not flush for number one.
islander03 5
That awkward moment now that everytime you flush everyone knows you were pooing ......
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Comments (191)
mk58 31
Or maybe, you should just continue flushing the toilet whenever you are done your business and whenever you see that he has left his piss to mellow. Tell him that the Smurfs did it if he asks.
kemando 22
But you're saving bundles in water bills.
dreamer9614 3
Not really.....
ProhibitionRose 14
It actually does save water/money on the water bill.
prismis 0
Not bundles though...
kings1fan 6
How do you message someone on this app??
ICATiger 13
You can't it's the one great flaw with this app.
linzcrain 0
He copied meet the fockers
DaKillaMafia 2
So if you're hydrated, you'll be able to flush the toilet right?
DocBastard 40
You should just put a laxative in everyone's meal, three meals a day. Everyone will be pooping nonstop, but at least your toilets will be flushed and urine-free.
astralvagan 20
Now you understand where the song "Mellow Yellow" comes from.....
Rocky007 15
That's not from any movie kids, that's an old old saying. I even remember the governor of the state of New Jersey using it on TV during a drought in the 1970s.
kissie87 4
Oh wow i still flush the toilet every time I use the bathroom it doesn't matter if it's pee or number 2 because If you leave per on the toilet by the time you come back it's sticks so i aint takin that chance so keep flushing and when he ask tell him you was doing number 2 and he says it don't stink like it say oh what so now every time I do number 2 it has to stink noo. Lol
CoolBreezeKing 8
Lol that's a good one
mk58 31
OMG lik i had no fukin idea wat u jus said thar
rachelkoo 10
Pardon, Ma'am?
meenu_fml 3
Commas. Use them. Seriously o.O
wittygirl 8
This is what happens when you watch too much of the meet the fockers movies lol just go in an flush or open all the windows.