Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down." My whole house now smells like piss. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML
Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML
Today, I walked into a bathroom to find a dad telling his kids not play with the pee in the urinals. FML
Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML
Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML
Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML
Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML
Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML
Today, I’m staying with a friend who believes in, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, only brown gets flushed down.” Well, her 3 or 4 mellow yellows with accompanying paper prior to my surprise brown caused the pipe to clog. Oh and the extractor fan doesn’t work either. FML
Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML
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Top comments
bacincheeseburge 9
In this land of sun and fun, we do not flush for number one.
islander03 5
That awkward moment now that everytime you flush everyone knows you were pooing ......
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Comments (191)
annafii 7
...In my house we tend to stick to flushing after every two people, it's half as much water and it's not a day's worth of one family's accumulated piss...eugh.
jennyvieve 8
I thought that was the rule in everyone's house? No wonder my friends never invite me over anymore...
OctoberRainfall 13
#119, please tell me you're joking
ralenti 3
you could just shut the toilet when you're done peeing. we do that too and no piss smell over here.
lebronesque73091 12
I'd hate to be the one that has to poop...
ganjaone 2
Rule of the fockers
lksdliz 9
There are dual-flush toilets now, so they just use a bit of water when it's just, uh, fluids. If you can't find one where you are, pop over to California, we have EVERYTHING to do with saving water...
madi22511 0
Meet the fockers:)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
That's disgusting...and anyone saying to just put the seat down is also gross, because that doesn't help. If anything, it makes it worse because it allows germs to remain in the toilet for extended periods of time, plus whoever opens the lid to use the toilet next will be greeted with that horrible sight and trapped smell that will then rise up from the toilet and encompass the entire bathroom. OP, your dad is an idiot and I say flush the toilet either way. What's he gonna do about it? What's the point of not flushing, anyway? Did he say to also not wash your hands after you used the bathroom? God people are gross these days...
brooks10101 1
God forbid you save water and have to bear with a bit of piss go to a third world country and the complane you friggin moron
tripangelx8 4
oh fock..