Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML
Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
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Top comments
HaloR 0
Forever alone*
ant2590 6
She needs practice in talking dirty
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Comments (156)
Enslaved 38
Should have been more specific with what you wanted her to do while you talked dirty. Ex: "Pretend /your/ hands are me touching you"! Etc..... :P (ummmm..... if she's into that sort of stuff) hehe
Maddisonfaye 0
Well she's obviously a keeper.. So smart!! Haha!!!
thelaxersvlog 9
Some people are just too literal
xStaciexLynnx 15
Yeah, some people are just not into phone sex. Or sextlng.
l0v3p4in 7
Or some people prefer the real thing. ;)
hbhockey12 1
I think your post should be more like "today I resorted to having phone sex. FML."
Dboyinaz 4
Talking dirty with SOMEONE? You didn't know who you were talking dirty with?
CaptainPickles72 18
Phone sex hotline employees usually don't like telling you their names... but I wouldn't know that... I heard it somewhere, from a friend, yeah, a friend!
BrysGirl27 14
Hahaha wow what a mood killer!:p haha
stariee1997 16
The ugly truth. Actions speak louder than words, OP.
RedPillSucks 33
This is what happens when you miss-dial 1800-CUMFUCKME and get the suicide hotline, instead.
CaptainPickles72 18
Operator: Thank you for calling the suicide hotline, how may I help you? Me: Heehee, yeah.... what are ya wearing!? What are they gonna do, refuse to tell you? I think it would be against policy to refuse a suicidal person.
Apathy182 5
Aren't you supposed to touch yourself when you're having phone-sex? Someone was obviously doing it wrong or not doing anything at all... :P