Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML
Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HaloR 0
Forever alone*
ant2590 6
She needs practice in talking dirty
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (156)
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
Ouch!!! Or maybe Loser is a better word here!
AllyyK 9
Hey #5 I'm pretty sure you're on the wrong FML. Or you somehow misunderstood the FML? Either way I think you're pretty confused.. Nothing in this post has to do with money, but umm nice try? Anyways OP your name pretty much sums it up, she sounds like an idiot!
Ozone1232 5
You clearly don't know a thing about phone sex.
elephantom12 9
I'm pretty sure he's assuming that OP called one of those phone sex lines, they cost money.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
I think you're a little confused. He was making a joke about OP calling a phonesex hotline. But umm nice try.
desireev 18
"We gonna have a lil' phone sex, baby... On the hotline!!" Such a dirty song. :)
AllyyK 9
LOLLL #26 Nope.. I'm still not confused, but YOU are definitely a bitch. Please show me where in the FML that it says he was calling a phone sex hotline? It could've been his girlfriend or any other girl, he said "someone" it doesn't say "phone sex line". That's why his "joke" isn't funny. Also, way to be original! You couldn't come up with anything whitty to say, so you copy almost half of my comment hahahaha. Good one! Also, #23 Thanks but I already knew they cost money, but this is exactly why people shouldn't assume things. (Makes an ass out of "u" and me) I didn't think he called a hotline that wasn't the first thing on my mind, cause maybe he would've mentioned it? A lot of people have people who actually WANT to be with them... or have phone sex with them. I'm sorry my first reaction wasn't "OMG YOU CALLED A PHONESEX HOTLINE LOLZOLZOZLOZLOZL YOU PAID MONEY HAHAHA" No. I actually thought it was with a person he KNOWS. So, my bad? #21 I'm SOO sorry I don't call hotlines? Maybe because I have actual sex? You know, without the phone, and without having to pay? With someone who I actually know and with someone who cares about me? Which clearly you 3 (#21, 23, 26 and probably #5) don't know anything about because you're having too much phone sex! Or not getting anything? But I won't assume anything ;) #70 Thanks for making me laugh haha :) You're the only nice one and the only one who didn't judge me by my comment so thank you!
AllyyK 9
Forgot to edit: "I'm SOO sorry I don't call hotlines? Maybe because I have actual sex? You know, without the phone, and without having to pay? With someone who I actually know and with someone who cares about me? Which clearly you (#21, 23, 26 and probably #5) don't know anything about because you're having too much phone sex! Or not getting anything? But I won't assume anything ;) " Is that why you're such a bitch #26? Hahahahaa.
SolarGirl32 6
102 - I didn't judge you by your first comment, but you sure gave me a lot to go by with your second. Calm down, take a valium. It's really not that big a deal.
candirose711 0
102 - you talk way too much. You just made yourself look like a complete idiot.
CaptainPickles72 18
#102- Oh, insult me next! Please? But in case you don't, I'll tell you something truthful so you'll feel obligated to! You said "but this is exactly why people shouldn't assume things. (Makes an ass out of "u" and me)" yet you also say "I actually thought it was with a person he KNOWS.". Is that you assuming also? So you complain about people assuming yet you go and do it a few sentences away from your complaint... such a smart girl! P.S. I'm a little out of shape and haven't had sex in 5 months. Just a little info if you have trouble insulting me. Have fun! :D
jbsington 8
102- tl;dr. Also, you spelled "witty" incorrectly. Your argument is invalid.
ChaosAngel17 14
I can't thumb down 102 on the iPod app because of the wall of text.
teenagedream13 1
118- me too! Hahahaha.
luckyducky_7sq 10
@102: I find it very difficult to believe your assertion that you "have actual sex" what with that 'tude.
periwinkle95 10
102- you're calling 26 a bitch? Looks who's talking. It's so sad that I can't thumb your comment down because of all the shit you wrote.
kittenvks 11
102- you lead a self absorbed and miserable life don't you? That must suck.
downtime 13
"I'm SOO sorry I don't call hotlines? Maybe because I have actual sex?" I think everyone will agree with me when I say you should stop that immediately.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
Haha I just saw this. And it's pretty hilarious. My couple of sentences warranted a paragraph? Someone is a little too defensive. I guess you were trying to be clever and just really show me how mean you can really be. Instead you embarrassed yourself. But umm nice try?
RoseTintMyWorld 8
145: Lol with someone who "cares" about her. I feel sorry for that guy. Or more likely multiple multiple guys.
downtime 13
I don't care who it is, so long as she doesn't start breeding.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
You should of said "Like most guys can't actually feel anything when they're inside you." Then hung up.
Bullpine 11
Dude thats my name Irrelevent*
RoseTintMyWorld 8
Find a better phone sex partner.
xgetxbentx 13
Ydi for having phone sex, tip, most women aren't ever REALLY into it, it's not a turn on.
Melissa92_fml 13
Actually, yes it is.
shoopd 19
28 - Boom! IN THE FAAACE!
effedml 5
28, you are so young. LOL...wait until you meet a guy that's really good at it. You'll be REALLY into it. (And later, sadly disappointed by every guy after that can't measure up.)
Nekogami 14
I'm just going to say this. If done properly ... Yea. It's going to be fun. Sides. I've never had complaints ... Only lovely screams of joy. But what do I know hmm?
joee182 3
68- ive met plenty of girls who like phone sex most the times its them that bring it up so just cause you dont like doesnt mean most girls dont either
joee182 3
whoops i meant 28>.
periwinkle95 10
Speak for yourself:)
5HT2A 5
I don't know what's more pathetic, the girl's reaction or the fact that you're still having phone sex. I suggest you move on to "cybering" perhaps you'll have better luck.
1happymummy 14
What is the point of phone sex?
5HT2A 5
Ask OP, maybe he'll tell you
Symmetry88 0
Op couldn't tell this guy what's up from down, you want to know why? Because op can't tell phone sex from real sex.
CaptainPickles72 18
34- yeah, and what's the point of ********, and hand-jobs, and kissing, and whatever else? It's because (some) people find it fun! I personally find it boring. It just boils down to this saying; whatever floats your boat whatever tickles your pickle whatever razzles your dazzle ... yeah, you get the point
Fmlsea 28
Fail
spala 2
Like Ur dp
khaya 9
Give her a slap over the phone.
lizard399 0
Señor chang would never hesitate to slap a bitch.
holder212 1
hahaha