Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML
Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
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Top comments
SwiftFaux 0
That heavy breathing wasn't snoring.
CalCommando 6
"Oh baby, never bathe again... your hair is so greasy... rub that cupcake on my ankle!" Oh, not that dirty?
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Comments (75)
teyyoshi 19
what did you say?
BlindyMcGee 2
So many fail 1st comments.
RaggleFrock 13
What does it matter, he was snoring?
GoW_Chick 15
I bet she sang him a sexy lullaby, but it didn't have the desired affect.
CalCommando 6
"Oh baby, never bathe again... your hair is so greasy... rub that cupcake on my ankle!" Oh, not that dirty?
Pentium_4 27
i got a strange tingling in my pants
Savra_fml 17
She said "Baby, I've been told I'm amazing in bed. It's when somebody joins me that it all goes wrong"
fcukU30to1 2
F*** yo couch!
scampman 5
Aww.. there, there it's ok.. You'll get better ;)
samfenton89 0
I doubt she will try again soon. Confidence levels gone
girl112891 7
Don't worry, I am one of the worst dirty talker you can find. It just gets so awkward. What do I say next? It all means the same! Best way to practice though is in person. Lay on the bed together and ask him what he likes to hear. Baby steps.
ninjacapo 2
Maybe she already did really well and he fell asleep after the. Erm. Payload. Hahaha
funkyshit 0
thats kinky
samfenton89 0
Not really...
SkoomaKi 28
You weren't talking dirty enough!
Serythvalker 7
Talk trashier. I would recommend Vanilla scented trash bags to turn him on. (past FML reference)
aFreedom127 9
Or jerking off!
hitman_mata 2
True
camcam103 0
Damn...
chevyrider20 0
Haha or it was that boring lol
jojimugo 20
Step your game up thats all, you do get an A for effort
SwiftFaux 0
That heavy breathing wasn't snoring.
talktomandybaby 8
Lmfao.
fcukU30to1 2
That's skill... talking dirty while sleeping
ICATiger 13
Was it a dirty snore??
Bubbles1354 0
Your profile pic would be a blonde too wht a dumb question
chili10 18
So now not only are blondes dumb, but people who have a blonde person in there display picture... Interesting.
haveachat 1
Perhaps he has narcolepsy, don't judge..