Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML
Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
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Top comments
HaloR 0
Forever alone*
ant2590 6
She needs practice in talking dirty
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Comments (156)
HaloR 0
Forever alone*
BarDownDaily 12
That's when you hang up.
Ozone1232 5
Username of OP definitely describes the girl over the phone.
xSonic 9
^^ so does the FML Just in other words...
imepelepticsir 5
maybe you can tell her to shove the phone up her furry kitty o:
rooh123 5
At least she isn't with anyone else and is being honest
indianguyinuk 12
well you can't blame her for telling the truth
llamafish 25
I hope you used protection. Wouldn't want to get hearing AIDS ;)
GovernorGeneral 8
Lately, these fmls keep 'reminding' me about the old ones.... Or maybe its just the other side of the story...O.O
n_epic_fail 14
Yea, we know OP. Your "someone"(girlfriend) made an FML last week... Funny you left out the laughter part.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Thats why I always say "would you like that" cuz then there is no way they can say something without being really bitchy xD
fmlswag 11
Forever at home lol
ImFrackinBored 13
OP was holding two phones...
ant2590 6
She needs practice in talking dirty
elephantom12 9
That's a mean looking mustache you got goin on there 2.
Pentium_4 27
you were only looking at his mustache cause you couldn't see his bladder right? i love bear grylls but the piss jokes are entertaining....
ClassyCommando 13
I don't think I've EVER seen a bladder in a profile pic. I suppose DocBastard is bound to show us one sometime.
boofgall 16
16- why are your comments always so lame?
Pentium_4 27
you never know with Doc. haha, i don't care what people think...i just have fun on FML. douchebag
ClassyCommando 13
Yeah, the amount of hostility on this site is astonishing.
Pentium_4 27
38, yeah, it really is. Yeah I say stupid things but it's just to kill time...i enjoy this app the most
jvan138 0
Creepy
brenton490 19
My scouter says the hostility on this site is over 9000!!!
Pelreskovich 11
Rawr. I'm here to participate in the rage, Pentium, stop having such stupid comments, omg. :P
Red_Forman 0
Aha! i sense whats going on. she's being anti-joke/thing on him. clever move mystery person, clever move
Shenannigoats 16
This. Of course she can't feel anythin, you're supposed to pretend. I'd say she's the one who screwed up here and not the guy, she failed at dirty talking. Hard.
chili10 18
Boofgall, I don't think you have any room to talk, what with you being so rude in approximately 90% of all your comments. Pentium has his good comments and his bad comments but for the most part I always enjoy them.
ScaughtieHolden 11
I think the rent is too damn high..
ladyLALAA 29
Or maybe she needs to learn to touch herself whilst talking about it..
alimayBVB182 0
She must have really liked it then
sportsfreak81 0
Hahaha
FinnishAmerican 3
Time to go to her house, she wants you OP
kristena103 14
No green head she didn't...
takeapieandrun 9
Way to kill the mood... and "liking" something doesn't mean you have to feel it
TourettesGuyFTW 26
OP was obviously talking to a phonetard.
JustinComments 3
He should remind her about a cell phones vibrating function .
wierdos_rule 0
Careful with that phone sex, there's an outbreak among senior citizens of........ hearing aids
Pentium_4 27
Waste of money if you ask me
sofineedsaladder 10
Doesn't matter, had phone sex.
alymtz 0
You're so hot. Lol
Chad_the_Brony 0
You should come back with; 'I know. I'm working on it'.
juturnaamo 29
I think the oddest thing about this is the 'someone' isn't classified. It could be a girlfriend, a phone actress, niece, who knows?
high_tower87 9
My thoughts exactly.
fancyclown 9
Maybe he just picked a random number out of the phonebook and tried his luck.
FMLContinued 3
A niece? Lol
TPSerigne 9
Yeah their position on the family tree is probably a little too close.
seriouslythat 6
8 I'm sure he wouldn't be talking dirty to his niece.
RedPillSucks 33
OP: Mom! You've got to play along and get in the spirit of things.
elephantom12 9
OP I'm not gonna lie, it seems to me that you've potentially reached an all time low in your life if you're seeking pleasure with a random stranger through a telephone. I don't get it.
mama2b3 20
Haha you get better at it the more you do it.
Ozone1232 5
Looks like you actually were talkingtoaretard. (hence the username).
pinkcrayola 0
Well yeah, that'd be why they put the name.
StreetReaper 9
14 - nothing slips past you, does it?
Ozone1232 5
Every opportunity I get. You're spot on.