Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Maybe think about brushing your teeth will trigger a dream for that then you wouldn't be turned down...
zahra_786 19
Thankfully it was just a dream, and you'll be prepared to prevent such occurrence in real life :p
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Comments (41)
worldclassrager 41
Maybe think about brushing your teeth will trigger a dream for that then you wouldn't be turned down...
dudeman1212 22
Then who knows how far you'll get! ;D
Kyle1dc 17
uncovered shoulders perhaps? how scandalous...
zahra_786 19
Thankfully it was just a dream, and you'll be prepared to prevent such occurrence in real life :p
diving_fml 30
or maybe he won't listen and this will actually happen. what if his dream is for telling the future???
tony1891 22
Listerine works
es3508 16
Yeah but a toothbrush works better:P
omgitsmoe 26
Brush your teeth before you sleep , you won't get **** blocked in the next dream :3
pinkster2014 25
Well, does your breath stink? Maybe you just had a bad taste in your mouth, like morning breath, and it affected your dream.
keiNan_fml 35
don't forget to brush the next time before going to bed
haliacc 17
If she thought your breath smelt then you should have pointed her downwards.
JMichael 26
No cuz he knows to wash it before he lets a girl go down on him.
cadillacgal79 32
Past FML post! Nice job! I didn't think anyone would mention that.
haliacc 17
That's what I meant! That it would be better down there!
JokerJ312 23
Brushing your teeth is good, but for extra freshness I like mint gum. 5 is a good brand.
Kyle1dc 17
Stride's a pretty good brand as well.
IWishIWasObama 12
stride was good. then they went to that 2.0 and it tasted cheaper
SirJKCaptain 12
Try to materialise some mentos in your sleep
tdawg91 17
There was a post not long ago about her mother trying to speak to her son about oral hygiene...... Is that you??