Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML
Today, two days before our vacation, I caught my wife coaching our six year-old son how to fake nightmares, so he could sleep in our bed every night. I now understand why we never have sex on vacation. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
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Top comments
4everFucked 3
What a cockblock.
zandalee 20
Time to ask her why. Did she have a good sex drive before you guys had children? Do you still romance her? When was the last time you guys went on a date? Think about why she doesn't want to make love. Is she too exhausted? Do you help around the place?
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Comments (110)
lovelyheadache 16
Aww man :
xSheaa 7
When people leave useless comments that have no worth to the OP or anyone.
omgcookeys 15
25, When people don't finish their sentences.
gabrielle01 0
wtf your face is **** ugly
TriflingAllDay 6
Why did you have to ruin it.
1awliet 8
When water splashes on my ass while taking a shit.
Bluekaren16 19
72 get a bidet. Those are very satisfying.
xMiss_Maggot 7
you suck
vol4life 6
With a kid in the room no one is sucking anything
Yousuck24 21
Was there any point in that comment?
Michael_92 20
No No No you suck!
4everFucked 3
What a cockblock.
tmaq973 7
I would say that it would suck balls, but you're three year old prevents it.
wow_idc 0
Your child is young, so I'm assuming you are relatively young too, OP, and if your relationship is this frayed so early on, imagine the later years! Maybe you were just being too maudlin...
unknown_user5566 27
Cockblock indeed. Tell him to climb back into his race car bed, and all will be fine.
mylifesucks_fml 1
sounds like you and your wife might need to have a little talk...
LO388 7
Aww another sexless marriage. Oops, sorry for being redundant...
doctorhook86 25
**** your wife, OP; she obviously sucks. Oh wait, that's the problem...
snowmount07 6
Toddler blocked?
yahoowizard 16
Haha, although she's doing most of the blocking...not sure the kid's at fault
laden_swallow09 35
Nah. In this case, the kid is merely a tool, a means to his wife's ends. His wife's frigid, distant ends.
KiddNYC1O 22
Tiny-**** block.
jansdrs 19
Todblocked
theamazingone_12 7
thats no bueno senor, hope you can figure out a solution to your predicament
Byahhh 3
And no ***** were given.
22cute 17
One solution is to start your romantic advances OUTSIDE the bedroom. Romance her throughout the day & she'll be interested by bedtime. Another is to get more creative with quickies and venues. Little kids make sex difficult in the best of relationships.
KiddNYC1O 22
Ray Barone tried that with Debra but for the opposite. So she could let him breath in bed.
linkinpark98 24
Kid-Zoned.
brackaman 18
It seems like her nether regions come with a child lock.
NomNomMuffin 5
Maybe you should talk to her about it
Yousuck24 21
Your wife sounds delightful.
tmaq973 7
I'd say that it sucks balls, but your three year old prevents that.
shawnaishere 14
That's sad, makes me how you found out though