Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML
Today, two days before our vacation, I caught my wife coaching our six year-old son how to fake nightmares, so he could sleep in our bed every night. I now understand why we never have sex on vacation. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
4everFucked 3
What a cockblock.
zandalee 20
Time to ask her why. Did she have a good sex drive before you guys had children? Do you still romance her? When was the last time you guys went on a date? Think about why she doesn't want to make love. Is she too exhausted? Do you help around the place?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
NeedSomeLogic 7
Tell her you'll cook for now on.
jesspie 8
The bedroom isn't the only place... A co-sleeping child doesn't have to interfere, in fact most co-sleeping parents I know have better sex lives as they have to be slightly inventive. Hope you work it out OP.
retrorewind 13
i see some callused hands in your future
unknown_user5566 27
I agree the kid is acting as a cockblock to an extent, but maybe you need to step up your game anyways. Visit Fascinations or another similar sex-toy store, and let us know how it goes. Sometimes the wife needs a little excitement. ;)
badam_fml 6
Somebody is asking for trouble
AlexBblah 10
Bribe your son!! xD
mrtjawesome 14
cockblocking tool #1: child.
gracehi 33
That's just sad. :(
br0ccoli 15
When the wife's not in the mood, you always have your hand. It'll be like your single days, sans the fun.
LuckyLynx7732 5
Time to make the kid sleep in his own damn room. If that doesn't work, time to find a new wife.