Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML
Today, two days before our vacation, I caught my wife coaching our six year-old son how to fake nightmares, so he could sleep in our bed every night. I now understand why we never have sex on vacation. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
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Top comments
4everFucked 3
What a cockblock.
zandalee 20
Time to ask her why. Did she have a good sex drive before you guys had children? Do you still romance her? When was the last time you guys went on a date? Think about why she doesn't want to make love. Is she too exhausted? Do you help around the place?
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Comments (110)
BellaMarta 19
Cockblocked by the spawn of your ****.
grumpynomas 1
So I'm not the only woman to do this! Hahaha
phatdaddy62 23
My ex did it for years, til she became my ex!
SexyBabb13 3
Chris? Is that you? My friend is going thru the same thing right now... I don't agree with using a kid for saying no... in my opinion she's probably getting some somewhere else...
bloodangel494 1
...damn
phatdaddy62 23
That's why you need a girlfriend. Just Sayin'
Brilliant66star 17
Think: does this justify you getting your needs met elsewhere? I certainly think so...
tiberius1 1
time to trade this wife in for a newer model.
3Aboodii 16
well then seeking your needs else where is totally justified she just gave you a hall pass, Hint: "barely Legal"
interesting33 37
I would not recommend cheating, just talk to her?
skyeyez9 25
Helping with childrearing and mundane housework is one of the biggest turn ons for wives. It shows you appreciate us and want to help. Therefore you will get alot more sex. If you don't lift a finger around the house, I suspect this to be why you aren't getting any.