Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML
Today, two days before our vacation, I caught my wife coaching our six year-old son how to fake nightmares, so he could sleep in our bed every night. I now understand why we never have sex on vacation. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
4everFucked 3
What a cockblock.
zandalee 20
Time to ask her why. Did she have a good sex drive before you guys had children? Do you still romance her? When was the last time you guys went on a date? Think about why she doesn't want to make love. Is she too exhausted? Do you help around the place?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
theonlysweetpea 10
I like the way everyone is assuming OP is some dirtbag husband who lays around all day drinking beer
inventindascene 5
I will be damned
thew_fml 14
most of you are presuming that this is somehow the OP's fault. You also presume she does the major share of he child rearing and he does;t help out enough. also presume he has not tried being romantic. None of those things are necessarily true. sometime people stop being sexually attracted to their partner. it happens. having a kid is like putting the lid on the boiling pot of your life's problems, it intensifies them. you need to talk to her openly, OP. ask her why she doesn't want to have sex anymore. if she says she just doesn't feel that way about you, decide if you can live that way for the rest of your life, because there is little guarantee it will ever change back. If not (and you do not have to) its time to change the rules. either have an open relationship, or split up. i'm a single father, raising a child on my own because of a similar situation. while it's very difficult it is better for me, and for the child, than living in a loveless home
skyeyez9 25
Caring for Toddlers is exhausting. Especially if they are raising one who is very active and running/climbing and going 100mph all day. At the end of the day, the last thing a woman wants is sex after dealing with a wild toddler.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
I thought this comment was interesting, cause I'm a mom and after a tiring day with a toddler I WANT sex.. Only my husband doesn't give it up cause HE is the one tired. Ironic. LoL
dmac843 2
Any woman who would use her own child as a pawn against its father doesn't deserve to be a mother or wife. Dump her and take the kid before she screws him up even more.
totheforest84 4
maybe you should explain to her that as a man if you don't have your most primal needs as a man met you will be unfulfilled in your relationship and that you don't want resentment to build.
daybar12 8
bribe him with candy for every night he sleeps in his own bed. make sure you tell him to keep secret ;)
letmehavemytea 21
Even if your kid stops sleeping in the same bed, your wife probably still won't let you do anything....sighh poor OP. Maybe you should talk to her and find out what her problem is?
EpicFail1520 16
Turn your head, son..
gionatorinc 5
Is the kid adopted or not yours?
noisebox 1
Not good, check to see if there's another guy givin' it or else you should get something on the side, PS: any good wife knows it's her duty to satisfy her husband's need for the wild thing..