Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML
Today, two days before our vacation, I caught my wife coaching our six year-old son how to fake nightmares, so he could sleep in our bed every night. I now understand why we never have sex on vacation. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
4everFucked 3
What a cockblock.
zandalee 20
Time to ask her why. Did she have a good sex drive before you guys had children? Do you still romance her? When was the last time you guys went on a date? Think about why she doesn't want to make love. Is she too exhausted? Do you help around the place?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
linkinpark98 24
Come on, OP. You're the father here, not your son. You have the power to say no!
1crabbygirl 10
Find out why your wife doesn't want to have sex with you. I got divorced when my son was a toddler, trust me. This is your angle. Turns out, marriage is not a sprint but a marathon. Think 'long haul'.
Crazberry 5
I agree with 48's last point. Why don't you put some effort into romancing her instead of just presuming to climb on top of her when the mood strikes? Do you help take care of the kid? The chores? You guys might be married but all of that "right as a husband" crap died a couple centuries ago. Take care of her, make her feel like a woman again, and she'll take care of you. I've just thought of another point. Maybe she's self conscious about her body because everything gets all stretched when you have kids?
downtime 13
Comments like this are really annoying. Apparently if a guy isn't getting sex it's because he's doing something wrong...and not trying hard enough to please the woman...right. Get off your high horse, the problem here is her lack of communication. The guy isn't a mind reader, he doesn't know when he is or isn't doing something right, why bring the child in as a barrier? This isn't just a simple relationship, they're married, she needs to learn to discuss difficult issues - you're together for life, you might as well be honest.
erinchick1 7
I would put a stop to it by saying that he is old enough to sleep on his own and basically ban him from sleeping with you and your wife.
Enslaved 38
Having a toddler is hard work. Maybe she's stressed out and the last thing on her mind is sex. Perhaps if you helped out more with chores etc.... She'd be more relaxed and in a better mood to take care of your needs.
sweetmama88 6
Some one needs a talking too, seriously ! Just tell her how you feel and maybe things can be worked out, because something is terrible wrong.
perdix 31
Maybe she's reminding you of the consequences of your "romantic advances." For you, it's all fun and games, but for her, it could mean morning sickness, swollen ankles and several more years of diaper-changing. Free Internet **** always accepts your romantic advances and never gets pregnant.
jrawls3 2
All I can say is SMH, I hope for the best for you my friend????
The_F3rris 11
Are you lame in the sack? If so try and spice things up! There are plenty of websites that give tips. Also try being spontaneous if you can, dont just wait for bed time to woo your woman.
goldens_fml 12
Two words, child block.