Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, I learned my son has been picking on a girl he has a crush on. He apparently went too far, because she finally snapped and beat him up at recess. The teacher, who knew about this from the beginning and actively did nothing, is trying to throw me under the bus for being oblivious to my son's behavior. FML
Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, I decided to reach out to someone I'd met randomly. I found them on social media and sent them a message. After telling my SO, he pointed out that that was stalking. I'm a creep now. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML
Today, my coworker was going on and on about how her son was nice and got good grades but that she needed to find him a therapist because he's too shy in class, and how she didn't want her friends to think badly of her. She's a counselor. I sat in silence for almost an hour, because all I could think was, "WTF? Poor kid." FML
Today, I found out my son’s middle name was named after my wife’s muscled up highschool ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and who she sometimes still brings up. She tells me it’s nothing and still acts like I’m crazy for communicating my worry to her. FML
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Top comments
ellenness 14
is he 5 or 15? that makes a big difference!
Yudith 28
Not that much. At 5, the boy can learn that following a girl around and watching her all the time can be bad. At 15, the boy can learn that it makes him look like a stalking pervert. It's mostly a question of adapting the vocabulary to the boy's age.
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Comments (2)
DLBL 23
Did you maybe fly off the handle? Define "Follows her around." What, in school? Just a little from class to class? What's wrong with pursuing a gal and looking at her a little before making her acquaintance? Is he drooling on her shoulder? Is he "Stalking" her at night in the bushes of her house? Jeez, I suppose you want an officer of the court bring her a written statement declaring your son's possible interest in her as a platonic friend and asking for her consent to have a conversation. Schools are ridiculous.
ellenness 14
is he 5 or 15? that makes a big difference!
Yudith 28
Not that much. At 5, the boy can learn that following a girl around and watching her all the time can be bad. At 15, the boy can learn that it makes him look like a stalking pervert. It's mostly a question of adapting the vocabulary to the boy's age.