Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML
Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML
Today, two days before our vacation, I caught my wife coaching our six year-old son how to fake nightmares, so he could sleep in our bed every night. I now understand why we never have sex on vacation. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, my son came home upset that his crush is still friendzoning him. While he and I were coming up with a plan to get her to change her mind, my wife burst in and yelled, “She doesn’t fucking like him! Get the fuck over it and leave the poor girl alone!” Way to be supportive, hon. FML
Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
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Top comments
4everFucked 3
What a cockblock.
zandalee 20
Time to ask her why. Did she have a good sex drive before you guys had children? Do you still romance her? When was the last time you guys went on a date? Think about why she doesn't want to make love. Is she too exhausted? Do you help around the place?
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Comments (110)
Grootensliven 10
Cockblock pro right there
AugustBurnsToast 14
Tell him a certain beast with two backs will come out to get him at night if he sleeps in your bed. He'll never know what you're really talking about but mommy sure will.
22cute 17
That's mean & awful.
FlashBurn 13
**** blocked using your own **** product! Well, at least she found a good use for the kid?
Blue_Black_fml 21
Viagra, be all that you can be...
iMeowzAlot 8
I wouldn't be using Viagra with a child present...
22cute 17
Viagra will only make things worse. It's not HIS lack of excitement that's the problem here.
Ha1r1nY0S0up 15
It's his lack of strength and force ;)
whostolemylama 12
This is where your right hand or left hand (which ever you prefer) becomes your only source of action.
pumbaa_fml 5
Palmala Handerson
GlobalGenocide 8
Either arrange a deal with her to be able to go visit some working girls, have an open relationship or start signing the papers imo. One of my parents best friends have a deal setup so that the husband can to visit a prostitute as the wife no longer has a sex drive for whatever reason, still love each other just not happening in the bedroom.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
What the heck
22cute 17
I agree with 21. That's a good idea as long as both agree. Still, it's so early he should put some time into seduction. Young moms are often exhausted and sex seems like one more demand.
frank_dt 5
and you let that stop you ? o.O
1crabbygirl 10
No means no, even in marriage. Geez.
spazz666 18
"...let that stop you" why in GODS NAME would you want to have sex when there's a CHILD in the same bed?! If you can get it up while thinking about that, more power to you, but I don't think it will get that far with you because you won't have a child OR woman to worry about with that attitude.
zandalee 20
Time to ask her why. Did she have a good sex drive before you guys had children? Do you still romance her? When was the last time you guys went on a date? Think about why she doesn't want to make love. Is she too exhausted? Do you help around the place?
Michael_92 20
So far the only useful comment I have read.
Fmlsea 28
that is the only comment so far that actually is deem-able as a good comment .Although it does suck that instead of talking to you about any issues , your wife is using the kid as a buffer . I hope all works out for you OP.
rcgirl2 11
Maybe you two should go on a nice romantic vacation without your kid and try romancing your wife on the vacation.
coopa14 2
You should start unencouraging him!
JustDerpin 11
what?