Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
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Top comments
MiniatureMayhem 0
Condoms expire? OH SHI--
NobodysLover 0
Good luck with life #10 . . .
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Comments (80)
leggyxo 0
#53, since when so people get stuck with a 9 month old baby girl when they have sex? i didnt know a baby pops out 9 months old and never ages, interesting though.
c_money150 0
If you didnt know sex is REPRODUCTION. The condum broke, the girl I was with got preggo, 9 months after the sex our baby was born, its been 9 months since she was born. I didnt think it was that hard to comprehend.
israelnotjacob 20
Big deal. Sex is not the end all be all of human existence. I'm 23 and have chosen to not have sex up until this point. I have a fiancee that I love very much, but she and I have chosen to wait (oh and bash me all you want, but that's my choice so deal with it). She and I have wanted to have sex, but we haven't by choice, and somehow it hasn't killed us. Now the point of this FML is that he's wanted to but couldn't, but even that doesn't mean his life is F-ed. As long as you eventually find someone to be happy with (which pretty much everyone does, with the exception of the few people who really are just better off single) there's no reason to complain. I highly doubt having sex with random people is really that great. I may not have experienced it, but everything I hear suggests that stuff like that is only fun for a while, but leaves you empty at the end of the day. The person who finds that one special someone to share their body with for life is the true winner at the end of the day, and this guy likely will, so his life is not F-ed.
ZDrache 0
"The person who finds that one special someone to share their body with for life is the true winner at the end of the day" I disagree. While I personally choose to only have sex in stable relationships, and have only had sex with one person, the real winner is the person who does what feels right to them. If that means sleeping with random people, power to them as long as they do it safely.
israelnotjacob 20
I was just pointing out that just because someone doesn't have sex with a whole bunch of random people doesn't mean their life is F-ed. If you find that special someone to share your life with eventually then you are a winner in terms of your personal life. Obviously these things are personal choices, but as long as you find that special someone eventually it really doesn't matter if you didn't have sex with tons of people in the past. You're still going to have the best thing at the end of the day.
Redrosesandrain 0
cmoney150: I find it interesting that idiotic misogynists such as you think of pregnancy as punishment for sex, and tell women to grow up and live with it, when clearly you're the ones who need to grow up. "Preggo"?! Really? Are you 8?
c_money150 0
No not 8, but I am 17 and a senior in high school that ruined my life by having to support a child while I'm still a child myself.
ooshrooms 1
There's no shame in that vcarder. Throw them away though. Old latex is more likely to break, especially if the temperature has fluctuated many times over their lifespan. They're cheap and have a pretty long shelf life, so you might as well replace them with a small package you can trust if you need to. #59, I work in a lab. I once found an old box of latex gloves, and they tore a surprisingly large percentage of the time when putting them on compared to new boxes. Condoms are made from the same stuff. Heed the dates on the package.
alabastor 1
http://all-the-exgirlfriends.info/?uid=36102 this might help you use those condoms lol
RandomCommenter 0
...So? I don't see how this is an FML in the slightest, except maybe spending money you didn't need to use. La-ame.
Compass 0
If you're not getting laid and have almost expired condoms lying around, use them to 'bate.
nitemare0 17
have them bronzed and put on a plaque and give it to your mom to show how much of a failure you are
lebanesebarbie 15
Water ballon fight !!!