Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
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Top comments
MiniatureMayhem 0
Condoms expire? OH SHI--
NobodysLover 0
Good luck with life #10 . . .
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Comments (80)
log1k 3
Heh, I've never bought a box of condoms yet... My friends always look out for me when I need one ;) I found 2 in my back pocket the other day from a party I was at the week before lol
f_alltheirlives 3
Buy some new ones then? Big deal
Sun_Kissed18 25
The FML is not that they have expired. Its that the OP hasn't ever needed them so they just sat there for who knows how long. Though I'm not sure how long it takes for condoms to expire, I'm sure they have been there for quite a while.
whatwasthatnoise 0
the big deal is that he/she are still are virgin even though condoms have like a couple year expirary date them and obviously all there mates didnt have the same problem
f_alltheirlives 3
ORLY? :O *Shock*
fringle 0
Wait, condoms can expire?! Oh. I wouldn't know that though because I never let that happen.
myhairynutsack 0
The stories your friends are telling are probably all lies anyway.
f_alltheirlives 3
Yeah, the guy is a virgin, his friends are virgins... I bet his mom is a virgin too! Anbody who says they have had sex is either lying or exaggerating!!
masquerade08 0
Or simply making a comment about the fact they've had sex. I've had sex. I've had lots of sex. Not so much for the past two months, but that's more personal choice at not finding anyone worthy of me. Trust me OP, it'll happen eventually. Don't rush it, don't try to make it happen before it's supposed to happen, or else it'll be terrible. It might be anyway, but when the time is right, the time is right.
f_alltheirlives 3
Jesus, is this "Take jokes serious day"? Congratulations tho "masquerade08", lots of sex huh, thats awesome! But now you have reached a hiatus? Oh well, Keep searching them dumpsters, one worthy of YOU! will show up soon! Maybe that bum eating those thrown away rice crispies over there? God, I'm one inch away from becomming one of those annoying people that puts; (Just kidding) at the end of each post X.x
Afternoon 0
That's not so bad(:
will90 5
Buying condoms doesn't seem like a memorable enough experience to me to ever come up in conversation amongst my friends.. Also, with women, I find it's best to take the path less traveled, anyways...
ItsAlexFool 0
What about The Road Not Taken? Sorry, had to make a Robert Frost reference.
SubAtomicBeauty 0
No, cause if it's never been taken there's probably a reason.
HookEmTexas07 0
Don't feel bad OP. Most of the people on this site are virgins because they're only about 12 years old anyway.
limepinklis 0
lol true
DynamicDave 11
@24: I love you!
franks1297 0
I agree with #8.
xxBAMFxx 0
Well you kinda didn't get any... But it doesn't seem like you tried to get some either so I don't know what to call this? An FML or YDI? I'm lost O_o Who wants to suck my dick?