Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
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Top comments
MiniatureMayhem 0
Condoms expire? OH SHI--
NobodysLover 0
Good luck with life #10 . . .
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Comments (80)
ithedarkone 0
I can top that my friend. I never bought condoms. Because I'm still apart of the V squad. My problem is shyness around women I tend to studder, sweaty palms, and forget what I'm about to say and say random stuff lol. So as you can tell i dont have a need for condoms because i dont even have a GF. Fml
f_alltheirlives 3
S-s-s-sucks t-to b-b-be you then I hate whn people try to hijack fml's X.X
ithedarkone 0
Lol ok well i wasn't trying to hi-jack his fml. I was simply trying to let him know its OK dude you not the only one out there. By telling him my story. Lol and life is pretty good actually I'm girl less but i just got a raise at my good job doing good in school and just got a lot of money from my mom and a nice jeep for my b-day two months ago so i guess in away it does suck to be me. lmao
paintballer394 0
My mom got some condoms at woman's spa day event-type deal. They came in a little pink box with some banana lube. ;) I laugh a little every time I see that box
geekplaya 0
i bet your mom used every last one of those condoms and all the lube. who knows how many different positions we went through
supercu96 0
May i suggests Hookers?? (ohh wait hookers bring their own condoms xD )
ihatethispart2 0
hang in there. u will use one at least in ur lifetime
urbanlover 3
:(
c_money150 0
Dont worry little guy, your not missin much. Sex is kinda overrated. I mean it feels good and is fun but if that condum breaks, your stuck with a 9 month old baby girl... FML lol
shelboo_fml 0
I'll be over in 2 hours.
shitbitch_fml 0
Condoms dont ******* expire.
Zigorathane 0
Uh, yeah they do #59, are you seriously that stupid to comment that after everyone above has said they do?
LeoFlorenz 0
LMFAO xDD
leggyxo 0
"expen-dable" youre a dumbass. Little do you know, in high school everybodys popping pills and having sex. So get your ass out of that cave and stop acting like you know what youre talking about. Youre obviously not in high school or you live in a boring little shitty town.
capital_seven 0
I'm in high school. I live in Los Angeles and am a virgin of both sex and drugs. (No, I'm not some weird fundamentalist Christian who thinks premarital sex and drug use are sins. I just don't have a taste for such things.) **** the stereotype!
SomeRussianGirl 3
Wow Someone In Los Angeles who hasn't Done Drugs ... That's uhh Rare. No offense you're Awesome for that. XD