Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
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Top comments
Epsilonyx 15
I'd assume someone with the name "Lickmylovepump" would be an extremely horny and open minded person.
ILoveMyXbox 0
Phone sex is awkward and weird in my opinion. I honestly don't blame you for laughing, because I would have to :P
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Comments (155)
FirstTigerHobbes 13
Doesn't matter ha--- *Gets shot in face*
FruityLoooons 8
What?
GoW_Chick 15
11- was just trying to say... Doesn't matter had s- *gets beheaded by ninja.
FirstTigerHobbes 13
41- ah yes, thank you my good friend :3 But although, I do believe I felt a bullet
moop256 10
It wasn't a ninja it was a Chinese guy in a black bathrobe you racists
dixiefoxx 22
Just bite your lip next time, so then you won't laugh, and he won't be mad at you, it's a win-win situation :)
fattylumptard 1
My girlfriend would do that to me too
Mister_Triangle 21
My hands physically can't laugh at me; also, I can't really call them Advantage: forever alone
chesoes 8
Lmao !!! U should of went along with it but i guess u tried (:
ninjuh_wingman 29
If it was terrible over the phone, imagine what itd be like if you actually did it.
GoW_Chick 15
He thought he was being sexy, but you killed his confidence, it will be okay, just try and apologize, and next time try sexting so you don't have to hear that loud stalker breathing that makes you giggle.
Lauren324 18
I've done the same thing, I couldn't stand to hear my boyfriend sound so serious and sexual with the background noise *frap *frap *frap
CheckItOutItsYou 7
Cool story bro
Cartera 10
the correct term is "fap"
Lauren324 18
Lol oops, was tired at 4am
Epikouros 32
It's an imitation of the sound, from a comic, so there is no correct term, really. Fwap would work, too.
Lauren324 18
I've done the same thing, I couldn't stand to hear my boyfriend sound so serious and sexual with the background noise *frap *frap *frap
sparklemuffin 8
well that's gotta suck
Enslaved 38
Awe.... he's trying to spice things up and you embarrassed him. Give him time to cool down.