Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML
Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
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Top comments
starile 20
Step one: Slide the cell phone into a condom. Safety first.
DynamicDave 11
I tried phone sex once. The holes were way too small.
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Comments (70)
xGUMMYBEARSx 0
explain it to him (;
Lolerskatez 0
Tell him to ring a 1800-sex-chat line, they'll teach him for as little as $2.95 a minute! Plus the standard $5 connection fee.
xGUMMYBEARSx 0
yes. of course you would know.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
thats phone sex!! why have I been inserting a nokia up my ass all this time! :s
starile 20
15: Because you have a shitty taste in phones.
lionandthelamb61 9
The good thing about phone sex is that you can explain it and do it all at once!!
Boomshadow 3
On the other hand, when you extrude it, nobody will notice.
tommy700 0
Wow, you got quabbled!!!
amazing54 1
your phone has a 10 key?
lilgirly89102 0
Aww he wants you to be his first<3
INTHEFAACE 0
I honestly laughed so hard at that
BoredomKillsinc 0
hehe.... facepalm
Saturn_fml 23
Aww that's quite cute :)
lizzard2903 0
so is your dp, how gorgeous!
docscientist 10
It seems he was being literal when he said phone sex.
boopityboppity 11
The problem would be compounded if, in frustration with his questions, the OP told her boyfriend, "Shove it up your ass." He'd likely take this literally, too.
onedayinamsterda 14
give him a sexline number to practise
starile 20
Step one: Slide the cell phone into a condom. Safety first.
Jimboom 12
Ahahaa. Step 2. Don't forget to lube up. Step 3. Set to vibrate.... I think you can see where this is going.
frear 0
step 4:make the call
Jimboom 12
Step 5 : ??? Step 6: Profit!!
Dragons_corner 6
I work at pizza hit as a cook. we have another pizza coming out called the big spacer or big dip something like that once the big Italy is gone and after Christmas stuff crust will be $10.