Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
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Top comments
Epsilonyx 15
I'd assume someone with the name "Lickmylovepump" would be an extremely horny and open minded person.
ILoveMyXbox 0
Phone sex is awkward and weird in my opinion. I honestly don't blame you for laughing, because I would have to :P
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Comments (155)
Makeeasweet25 0
phone sex does nothing for me either .i need the touch and smell of a man to turn me on.talking and jerking off sounds from the other end of the phone is so blah.
transcedental 18
1111 people who voted are men. They get his pain, we get your laugh. This FML made my day xD
wildfiresgirl 7
You should've just muted your phone that way you could've laughed all you want without him hearing. It's a win-win!
bambi73 0
I would've laughed too! It's only hot when both people are into it.
minodino 8
Did he actually say "lick my love pump"? If so, I would have laughed too.
Calyx_fml 22
Phone sex is stupid.
SanaHasSwag 0
Not if your in a long distance relationship -_-
iameulogy 0
ydi. there are a lot of guys in this world who don't try to be romantic and act like complete jerks. you should count this as a blessing and kick yourself
KiddNYC1O 22
Phone sex leads to many confusions and interruptions. Have you seen American Pie 2? "(Name), get your balls off me!"
hateevryone 15
i'm not fond of phone sex.
soccercreator7 3
At least it was safe sex. You Should have told him to put a condom on before you both started.