Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
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Top comments
Epsilonyx 15
I'd assume someone with the name "Lickmylovepump" would be an extremely horny and open minded person.
ILoveMyXbox 0
Phone sex is awkward and weird in my opinion. I honestly don't blame you for laughing, because I would have to :P
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Comments (155)
high_tower87 9
Bitch.
thehouseaddict 3
UNCOOL BRAH
GovernorGeneral 8
Lol. I feel bad for the dude. He just wanted to have quality time with op....through the phone.
kbtoyz69 9
"lickmylovepump" lol! nice title
LookOnBrightSide 12
18-I would much rather have chosen face-to-face interaction. Communicating through a phone just doesn't have that sentimental feeling in your heart. I know that I am assuming a lot of stuff, like OP lives in proximity to her boyfriend, etc., but if they have the ability to interact with each other in real life, that would be much cooler and you wouldn't stumble up on these types of problems.
xSonic 9
Well guys, imagine the FML that he's writing right now
xXxIracebethxXx 14
This is one of the very, very few FML's I actually laughed out loud at. I'm sorry, but imagining the embarrassment you cost your BF is just ******* hilarious, yet sad. LOL. :D
kyarush 10
You broke his spirit :(
yahoowizard 16
38 FaceTime?
FinnishAmerican 3
61- that made me laugh, because there are people who made companies to use FaceTime for a better type of phone sex
PaulB123 11
69-(the number is a little ironic here, lol).. But your saying there are entire companies with the goal to make phone sex better? I don't understand how this idea could be the basis of a company; what do they sell, apple products? On an off note, he probably didn't pick up because he was trying to do to himself in the bathroom what you didn't do for him!
littlem91 29
If her username was the kind of thing he was saying, it's hard to blame her really! That would sound ridiculous.
YaboyVinnie 21
Should've panted with him, it can really help stopping you from laughing, plus he'll at least think he's doing a good job.
Climaxx 11
Meh, you win some you loose some.
FinnishAmerican 3
But also giving a false hope of success could hurt him worse if he figured out she was faking it
TexasMud 8
#39, we have the same birthdays! Sortof! Well anyways...
wierdos_rule 0
Careful with that phone sex, there's a recent outbreak among senior citizens called............ hearing aids!
kisaka 2
That was really inconsiderate :( He was just wanting you to get in the mood.....
boofgall 16
By panting like a wild horse?
Mister_Triangle 21
Look at OP's name; if that's the sort of thing he was saying, I don't blame her for laughing
bitchslapped22 14
'Lick my love pump' was probably the breaking point for OP
Mitcha857 0
I feel for OP'S boyfriend but I don't blame her. It sounds like he really isn't too suave with dirty talk. "lick my love pump" is about as effective as saying "slide down my tromboner" not too suave sir!
bobbycorwen 5
Boyfriend: "Oh, when you touch my winkie like that it makes me so ready to make whoopie!"
WCARlover 35
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well he's clearly immature...tell him you tried it and it didn't work out but at least you tried :p
wironandine 8
No. Nothing to do with maturity. She embarrassed him. I don't blame him.
WCARlover 35
Well I think it does have to do with maturity, because immature people choose to run away from their problems (i.e ignoring phone calls) while mature people face them. Just saying.
emilyjgraham 34
his girlfriend embarrassed and upset him, plenty of people choose not to speak to the person who've they've been upset by if they keep calling them. op could have just said it wasn't working instead of laughing, I know I'd be horrified if he laughed at me for something like that.
WCARlover 35
I still think it's immature to ignore phone calls. Not to say I haven't done it, but I do realize it was immature of me...
wehn92 10
Obviously you know nothing, she was being childish and immature there's nothing wrong with your partner trying to spice things up, she was the idiotic one for laughing ...
bamagrl410 31
Phone sex just doesn't work for some people. Yea, it sucks that she ended up laughing. But she probably wanted to try instead of tell him it wasn't working. Which she did, and unfortunately ended up with a less-than-welcome reaction. It's not like she purposely laughed to be mean or make fun of him. He just has a bruised ego and it'll take some time & making up for it in other ways to remedy the situation.
puppypuncher 5
60- Phone sex may not work out for some people, but OP shouldn't have laughed. She should have had some self control instead of embarrassing her partner. It is possible to mute the phone or even pull yourself together and explain that you aren't enjoying yourself. Of course she got a less-than-welcome reaction. Her boyfriend was trying to please her and gets laughed at. She chose to laugh despite what her boyfriend would have felt, and that's why she deserves it.
Yodaevil 4
Maybe he wouldn't answer the phone cause he was rubbin one out? He was obviously in the mood... And it takes more than that to turn a man off... Or he may be looking for a more thoughtful girlfriend. Most women would be happy that their man would rather have phone sex than running around on them. My thought, op is young and immature, not thinking about her action.
zephyrum 0
I think the votes speak louder
tanneriscool 2
For those that keep saying he and she, this is a man on man phone sex call. With less then the normal man love.
Zariala 3
So that would explain the pink female symbol in the upper right corner....
tanneriscool 2
Nice catch there sweetie ;)
sodapop19 5
There is nothing wrong with him it is her she should have played along at the least not laugh anybody would do the same girls do it all the time so guys can too I would bet you have ignored someone for a reason
nahbean13 3
In a healthy relationship, it's ok to be honest, even if it means laughing. Laughter is healthy. I know my boyfriend's laughed at me when I've tried too hard to be cute and it didn't work and visa versa. Don't take yourself so seriously and laugh with each other; it'll be ok. :)
FLgators93 3
id laugh too if the other person was breathing heavy..especially with it being a guy
downtime 13
6, Why does being a guy make it a different situation? It doesn't matter what the gender is, that shit is cringe-worthy. Should have pretended something came up and GTFO.
ILoveMyXbox 0
Phone sex is awkward and weird in my opinion. I honestly don't blame you for laughing, because I would have to :P
Pentium_4 27
i love your xbox too. but yeah, phone sex is just torture
smelly_turtle 2
Laughing is almost as good as ******** on his self esteem to some people, don't blame him for not picking up
ILoveMyXbox 0
I sold my Xbox 2 years ago hahah
Epsilonyx 15
I'd assume someone with the name "Lickmylovepump" would be an extremely horny and open minded person.
hypuuurness 6
maybe thats what he was saying to her o.O
johnnie254 7
WIN
CallMeBloo 31
Indeed. Phone sex (as well as cyber and sexting) can be awesome if you just loosen up a bit and have fun.
joey37 0
Talk 2 him and make it straigt by apologizing otherwise hes going to leave u
Epsilonyx 15
If you threaten to leave your girlfriend for laughing at you because they used corny, sexual pick-up lines over the phone, you are a shallow prick.
Lauren324 18
15- amen!!
Epsilonyx 15
*because you
tmoneysly 7
Shouldn't have laughed bitch ydi