Honey…
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've been horribly sick with a stomach virus. Six hours ago, I asked my husband to go to the store and get me a few things that would help ease my misery. He's still in bed and I'm cleaning the house in between bouts of vomiting. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Open the bathroom door, point at the toilet, and say, "There's your ******* dinner. Bon appetit, asshole."
perdix 31
"A steaming bowl of RRRRALPH!"
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Comments (76)
brenz1126 0
thataboy! food first bitches second lol
brenz1126 0
for those (feminists) among you who think i was serious, i wasn't. i happen to have many friends that are girls
CitrusGirl 0
I'm a feminist. And that was a great joke. If you hate even GOOD sexist jokes you need to get over yourself. Real feminists have senses of humor.
whisperingeye13 0
if you have black friends your clearly not a racist
RedPillSucks 33
Oddly enough, there are some people who are racist but still have black friends. They'll frequently think things like "he's not like those other ******s", or some other patronizing nonsense. Racists do have token friends.
ReynshineCutting 10
A lot of people aren't racist towards a whole race. They're just racist towards those dumbfucks within a race that are trashy and live off welfare and whatnot. White trash included.
brenz1126 0
notice that all the people who hav posted negative comments are women... just sayin...
IbanezSprinter 0
haha what an asshole. tell him to make his own dinner
brenz1126 0
most men rely on women for stuff like that. it isnt his fault that he doesnt consider himself as good a cook as her. hes probably very excited to learn what delicious meal she'll make and doesn't know how to tell her that. i do agree that a little more concern would have been nice.
CitrusGirl 0
But really how hard is it to put something in the microwave/toaster/oven? There's plenty of food that doesn't require anything more than knowing how to input a time into the cooking device. If a guy can't do that, or at least pour himself a bowl of cereal he needs help.
esy7flx 0
agreed ^^
The_Voytek_Bear 14
it could have been worse. He could have asked you for a ******** as anal was out anyway ]:->
CharleneW 0
A ******** while she's puking?
The_Voytek_Bear 14
#46 If in US they have the same stomach flu as I know it, than it goes the usual way - just a little bit faster ;]
heyred 11
Is anal ever really out??
bitchin94 2
kick your husband in the dingaling then tell him to make his own dinner...
Joseph9 4
that's a little overboard. ..
rinzlerkitty94 31
No, it's really not. Asshole deserves it.
Barney_Rubble_75 0
the reply: "It won't taste quite as good coming up as it does going down, but the prawn salad is in the fridge. Enjoy!"
RealChinese 7
YDI for marrying someone like that in the first place.
sourgirl101 29
Get sick on your own time. This man needs his dinner! JK OP, he obviously didn't realize how ill you were. If he's on a routine to expect dinner what do you expect in return? Explain- "I'm too sick to cook" and I'm sure he'll understand unless you married a dick, then I'd say YDI.
bonermonkey 31
he didn't notice that she is sat in the bathroom dry heaving? never mind for two. hours.
jenaandtyler4eva 0
leave him and fine someone worth being with and that actually cares for you
KkoolAid 0
dude it's her husband and if you would leave just because of that of a little thing like that then wooow..sorry but ehh
lostfaithinpppl 19
#82: It's not a little thing. If this is a pattern of his behavior then OP should indeed leave him. He clearly is unable to care about anyone but himself. Would you want to be in a relationship with a person like that? Unless you have a self respect of a mollusk, you probably want better than that. More than likely, OP's husband was this way before OP married him and for that she gets YDI from me. What did she expect? That he'll turn into Prince Charming all of the sudden after marrying her? However, it's not too late to recognize her mistake and have a better life (without an ass like him).
The_Weirdo 10
How do you know he cares for no one else but himself? Men tend to say stupid things like that without really thinking about it. I don't see the big deal, perhaps he thought she was already done before the barfing started, or maybe he thought she just ate too much, in any case, you ARE going a little overboard when you say she should leave him.
ReynshineCutting 10
This is why the divorce rate is so high now. I this is an every now and then kind of thing, it's no big deal. I this is an ongoing thing, TRY TO ******* WORK IT OUT. Go to marriage counseling, get some books, try to ******* fix it. You don't just divorce someone without trying to fix things unless they're beating you or cheating on you. Those are the only times it's appropriate to jump straight to a divorce. Other than that, you've made a commitment "for better or worse" which means you don't leave the second things get bad. Especially if you truly love your spouse. Everyone has flaws, and if some are problematic you work on them before you even consider divorce. Good Lord it's not that hard.
bonermonkey 31
I don't know how you can hear someone dry heaving in the bathroom and still assume that they will make you dinner
CitrusGirl 0
If he honestly can't cook tell him to make himself some ramen or toast. If he can't even do that then YDI for marrying an idiot.
JoeTheBow 8
Stomach flu sucks :( hope u feel better